Why am I so tired?

So yesterday was a very un-Valentiney day. I got nothing. No calls, no sms, no flowers, nothing... Ag well.

Last night when I went to have a smoke outside, I saw the Nige, my sister's Boston terrier, being extremely interested in something in the garden. I went to investigate and he had a baby pigeon in his mouth by the wing. I got him to drop the little bird and I checked to see if it was still alive and if it was hurt. I couldn't see anything in the half light. I just noticed that it was still breathing. So I put it on a paper towel and watched it for a while. It's breathing seemed to get better. I left it there for a little while to see if it could recover. When I checked on it the first time, it's breathing seemed to be more hurried. The second time I checked, it was also still breathing. But by the third time, the poor little thing had died. My mom had a look at it and it had a huge gash down its neck, so bad that it's little head was basically hanging by a thread. It broke my heart, that poor little lifeless thing and I just burst into tears. Fuck, I'm even getting tears in my eyes just writing this. I was very angry at the Nige. And he looked guilty as all hell.

I think I slept rather badly last night. I woke up feeling exhausted. I remember dreaming about work. Maybe that's why I don't feel rested - even in my dreams I am hard at work. At this very moment, all I want to do is put my head down and zone out. I know that if I close my eyes for anything longer than a blink, I am going to fall asleep for sure. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Interesting fact.... If I hadn't had the miscarriage, I would be on full baby-watch at the moment. Yip. I'd be about to give birth any day now. It's a little sad. Fuck, actually it's very sad. But things didn't work out that way. They worked out this way instead. One day, hopefully, it will happen.

My friend Sue and I are thinking about finding a place together and moving in. She rents a room from a friend of her cousin and she hates it there. As for me, I am living with my parents and as much as I love them, I need to be on my own. I'm a big girl. We are thinking about looking for places in Centurion or Midrand. But we would take our time and find a nice place. It has to have a garden and be pet-friendly because of Sue's dog and my cats. So yes. That's a plan.

I am looking forward to the weekend, not for any special reason. I am just looking forward to the promise of lots of sleep. It seems as though I can't get enough of sleep these days. I am constantly tired and I really don't know why. I have had some stress at work, but it hasn't felt that bad in my waking hours that it would affect my sleep. This tiredness would be completely accpetable if I was having mad sex all night, every night, but I'm not. Hell, I'm not even dreaming of sex these days. It's like that's all switched off at the moment. I almost wish that the Advocate would sms me so I could shag him one last time before telling him that it's not going to work out. Because it's not.

Ag well...