So here I am, at work, as usual. I have some work to do, but I am waiting for the information to come my way so I can get started. I am not really in the mood to do anything, but I'll just have to get cracking with it when I have everything I need.
I sent the ex an email yesterday, asking him if he has seen any of my CD's around. I know that they are all still there. I have been missing them, expecially the compliations made when I was in the States. There's a lot of sentimental value attached to those compliations. So he replied saying that he had seen my CD wallet with a stack of my discs in there. He also said that he would check in the flat and that he would let me know. So that's that, I guess.
I went to bed very early last night and slept right through a massive storm apparently. But I am still tired today. I wish I could relax this weekend but I have a million and one things to do. Boo...
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Fire Drills and such...
It has been a rather unproductive day today. We had a fire drill this morning and it has messed up the entire day. We had to walk down to the ground level, 10 floors for me. And I had to do it in my high heeled shoes. Needless to say, my feet are aching! Luckily I have my trusty pair of flats for the trip home.
The day was messed up because my concentration was broken by the adventure of the fire drill. So it's taken me forever to get back into the swing of things. All I really want to do now is get home and go to bed nice and early. I'm exhausted!
The day was messed up because my concentration was broken by the adventure of the fire drill. So it's taken me forever to get back into the swing of things. All I really want to do now is get home and go to bed nice and early. I'm exhausted!
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
An idle mind is the Devil's playground
I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about things. I thought about the ex. I thought about the Advocate. I thought about the miscarriage. It was not good.
Yesterday, back at work, I realised that not having anything to do is rather dangerous for me. I tend to start thinking when I have nothing to do and it gets me down. Being at work, surrounded by people, with lots to do, is a good thing for me. It keeps my mind busy and I need just that.
Speaking of work, it's going really well. I know that I'm pushing myself a little harder than what I should, but essentially, it's for a good cause (that is, my own). At the end of this month, I will be able to concentrate more on my PoE, I hope.
I have decided that I'm going to take up baking. Not as a business, but at home, for the family. I've always enjoyed it and now I have the time and resources to do it. I'll have to go to the shops over the weekend to get some supplies and maybe next weekend, I will be able to produce something yummy.
I don't know why, but I have been very nauseous lately. This morning I woke up at about 3am with my stomach turning. And then just now, on the bus, my stomach did a flip. I started thinking that I could be pregnant, but it's highly unlikely. I've just had my period, after all. It's probably more to do with stress. It's healthy stress, but stress nonetheless. I'm going to the doctor next week anyway, and if there is, by some twist of faith, a little peanut in there, it won't be a bad thing.
There I go again... Wishful thinking...
Now I need to find something to do. So that I stop thinking all of these stupid thoughts.
Yesterday, back at work, I realised that not having anything to do is rather dangerous for me. I tend to start thinking when I have nothing to do and it gets me down. Being at work, surrounded by people, with lots to do, is a good thing for me. It keeps my mind busy and I need just that.
Speaking of work, it's going really well. I know that I'm pushing myself a little harder than what I should, but essentially, it's for a good cause (that is, my own). At the end of this month, I will be able to concentrate more on my PoE, I hope.
I have decided that I'm going to take up baking. Not as a business, but at home, for the family. I've always enjoyed it and now I have the time and resources to do it. I'll have to go to the shops over the weekend to get some supplies and maybe next weekend, I will be able to produce something yummy.
I don't know why, but I have been very nauseous lately. This morning I woke up at about 3am with my stomach turning. And then just now, on the bus, my stomach did a flip. I started thinking that I could be pregnant, but it's highly unlikely. I've just had my period, after all. It's probably more to do with stress. It's healthy stress, but stress nonetheless. I'm going to the doctor next week anyway, and if there is, by some twist of faith, a little peanut in there, it won't be a bad thing.
There I go again... Wishful thinking...
Now I need to find something to do. So that I stop thinking all of these stupid thoughts.
Friday, 17 February 2012
Work the Blues away...
I was rather blue this morning. I had a little cry before leaving for work and I was on the verge of tears for a while at the office. Why? I'm just being stupid, thinking about the ex again. Thinking is bad for me.
But I am now in a better mood, thanks to work. I am busy, I am doing good work and that has kept me from thinking about him. I like being told that I am good at what I do. My boss told me that I am the best at what I do and that he knows that I'm the only one that can produce such high quality work at such short notice. That makes me feel great. I am glad that my hard work is recognised.
And the greatest thing of all is that it's Friday and I plan on spending a very relaxing weekend at home watching tons of tv!
But I am now in a better mood, thanks to work. I am busy, I am doing good work and that has kept me from thinking about him. I like being told that I am good at what I do. My boss told me that I am the best at what I do and that he knows that I'm the only one that can produce such high quality work at such short notice. That makes me feel great. I am glad that my hard work is recognised.
And the greatest thing of all is that it's Friday and I plan on spending a very relaxing weekend at home watching tons of tv!
Thursday, 16 February 2012
PMS Queen
I am feeling like a mess today... Thanks PMS. Emotional, bloaty, tired... Gah. I hate it.
I want the weekend to hurry up and get here so I can sleep.
I want the weekend to hurry up and get here so I can sleep.
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Why am I so tired?
So yesterday was a very un-Valentiney day. I got nothing. No calls, no sms, no flowers, nothing... Ag well.
Last night when I went to have a smoke outside, I saw the Nige, my sister's Boston terrier, being extremely interested in something in the garden. I went to investigate and he had a baby pigeon in his mouth by the wing. I got him to drop the little bird and I checked to see if it was still alive and if it was hurt. I couldn't see anything in the half light. I just noticed that it was still breathing. So I put it on a paper towel and watched it for a while. It's breathing seemed to get better. I left it there for a little while to see if it could recover. When I checked on it the first time, it's breathing seemed to be more hurried. The second time I checked, it was also still breathing. But by the third time, the poor little thing had died. My mom had a look at it and it had a huge gash down its neck, so bad that it's little head was basically hanging by a thread. It broke my heart, that poor little lifeless thing and I just burst into tears. Fuck, I'm even getting tears in my eyes just writing this. I was very angry at the Nige. And he looked guilty as all hell.
I think I slept rather badly last night. I woke up feeling exhausted. I remember dreaming about work. Maybe that's why I don't feel rested - even in my dreams I am hard at work. At this very moment, all I want to do is put my head down and zone out. I know that if I close my eyes for anything longer than a blink, I am going to fall asleep for sure. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
Interesting fact.... If I hadn't had the miscarriage, I would be on full baby-watch at the moment. Yip. I'd be about to give birth any day now. It's a little sad. Fuck, actually it's very sad. But things didn't work out that way. They worked out this way instead. One day, hopefully, it will happen.
My friend Sue and I are thinking about finding a place together and moving in. She rents a room from a friend of her cousin and she hates it there. As for me, I am living with my parents and as much as I love them, I need to be on my own. I'm a big girl. We are thinking about looking for places in Centurion or Midrand. But we would take our time and find a nice place. It has to have a garden and be pet-friendly because of Sue's dog and my cats. So yes. That's a plan.
I am looking forward to the weekend, not for any special reason. I am just looking forward to the promise of lots of sleep. It seems as though I can't get enough of sleep these days. I am constantly tired and I really don't know why. I have had some stress at work, but it hasn't felt that bad in my waking hours that it would affect my sleep. This tiredness would be completely accpetable if I was having mad sex all night, every night, but I'm not. Hell, I'm not even dreaming of sex these days. It's like that's all switched off at the moment. I almost wish that the Advocate would sms me so I could shag him one last time before telling him that it's not going to work out. Because it's not.
Ag well...
Last night when I went to have a smoke outside, I saw the Nige, my sister's Boston terrier, being extremely interested in something in the garden. I went to investigate and he had a baby pigeon in his mouth by the wing. I got him to drop the little bird and I checked to see if it was still alive and if it was hurt. I couldn't see anything in the half light. I just noticed that it was still breathing. So I put it on a paper towel and watched it for a while. It's breathing seemed to get better. I left it there for a little while to see if it could recover. When I checked on it the first time, it's breathing seemed to be more hurried. The second time I checked, it was also still breathing. But by the third time, the poor little thing had died. My mom had a look at it and it had a huge gash down its neck, so bad that it's little head was basically hanging by a thread. It broke my heart, that poor little lifeless thing and I just burst into tears. Fuck, I'm even getting tears in my eyes just writing this. I was very angry at the Nige. And he looked guilty as all hell.
I think I slept rather badly last night. I woke up feeling exhausted. I remember dreaming about work. Maybe that's why I don't feel rested - even in my dreams I am hard at work. At this very moment, all I want to do is put my head down and zone out. I know that if I close my eyes for anything longer than a blink, I am going to fall asleep for sure. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
Interesting fact.... If I hadn't had the miscarriage, I would be on full baby-watch at the moment. Yip. I'd be about to give birth any day now. It's a little sad. Fuck, actually it's very sad. But things didn't work out that way. They worked out this way instead. One day, hopefully, it will happen.
My friend Sue and I are thinking about finding a place together and moving in. She rents a room from a friend of her cousin and she hates it there. As for me, I am living with my parents and as much as I love them, I need to be on my own. I'm a big girl. We are thinking about looking for places in Centurion or Midrand. But we would take our time and find a nice place. It has to have a garden and be pet-friendly because of Sue's dog and my cats. So yes. That's a plan.
I am looking forward to the weekend, not for any special reason. I am just looking forward to the promise of lots of sleep. It seems as though I can't get enough of sleep these days. I am constantly tired and I really don't know why. I have had some stress at work, but it hasn't felt that bad in my waking hours that it would affect my sleep. This tiredness would be completely accpetable if I was having mad sex all night, every night, but I'm not. Hell, I'm not even dreaming of sex these days. It's like that's all switched off at the moment. I almost wish that the Advocate would sms me so I could shag him one last time before telling him that it's not going to work out. Because it's not.
Ag well...
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Some Quotes
The difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter.
- Author Unknown
You may not realise it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
- Walt Disney
Everybody ought to do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice.
- William James
There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.
- Harry Crews
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