Back to Basics

Many years ago, I was faced with a tough decision. Do I allow myself to miss ut on events that I want to go to just because no one wants to go with me? Or do I go on my own because I know that I will most likely meet up with someone I know?


I decided at that stage to never miss out on something because of someone else. And so I started going out when I wanted, where I wanted, regardless of whether I was had to go alone or not.


That was quite a long time ago. And the the ex came along and suddenly I always had someone to go out with, well, for the most part anyway. I stopped going out on my own.


But now I'm single again.


I have to learn to be me again. I have to learn to start saying "Fuck you" to the world again and start doing what I want, when I want, how I want.


Last night reminded me of the person I used to be. I had had plans with a friend for a month to go out lst night. Yip, I had told this friend of mine a month ago about a party I wanted to go to and she was all for it. Ok, so I changed the plan to another party, but the date had not changed. My friend even asked me at the beginning of the week if we were still for our big night out, and even though I had quite an emotionally draining week and didn't feel like doing anything when she asked, I said that yes, we were still on for Saturday night.


So when I received an sms from my friend on Saturday morning, casually asking how I was doing, I just got the feeling that I was going to be dropped. Later that afternoon, I sent her an sms asking if we could go in her car because I was without transport, and that when the bomb was dropped. She couldn't go because she's broke. Ummm... Ok then. I can't afford to pay for anyone at the moment, but I did manage to keep a bit of money to one side so I could go out. Obviously, I'm the only one that thought to do that. When I got the feeling that I was going to be dropped, earlier in the day, I sent a message to the Advocate, letting him know about the party, telling him that if he wanted to hang out, I was going to go there. It was kind of my back-up plan. But no reply from him either. So what did I do last night? I watched a movie on TV and hung out with my friend Jim Beam. And I went to bed very, very early. And very, very angry.


So here's my deal... From now on, I will try to resume my stance on going to the gigs and events I want to go to, regardless of whether I have someone with me or not. I need to get over the fear of being alone. I refuse to sit around at home on a Saturday night, miserable because I've been bailed on. Fuck that. I will do what I want to do. I will do it when I want to do it. I will do it how I want it to be done. I'm not waiting for wanyone any more. It's time for me to go back to being the person I was before. I'm going back to the beginning; I'm going back to basics.


Like it.


Don't like it.


I couldn't give a fuck.