Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

This weekend I read a book. Reading a book is not particularly news-worthy, but the fact that I read a book, start to finish, in the space of one weekend.... That's the news-worthy bit. I haven't done that in years!

I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by comedian Steve Harvey. He talks about the signs that men give when they are serious about a relationship and what women should do to ensure that she gets the right man. There were a lot of hard truths in that book. I kept thinking back to my relationship with him, trying to see what was wrong with our relationship. Yes, there were things that I did wrong, and there were things that he did wrong. But the good thing is that after reading this book, I am getting an idea as to what I want out of a man. That was probably my biggest mistake with him. I didn't know what I wanted, so I was pretty much willing to accept anything. And while I thought it was a forever relationship, there were signs. According to this book, a man who is serious will do the three P's... Profess, Provide and Protect.

Profess: A man who is serious, will let the world know that the woman he is with is his. She will be introduced as his girlfriend, his lady, his fiance. He used to do that at first. But the one thing that he never did was let the entire world know. How? He never changed his Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". It can be seen as petty, but if he was really serious about being in a relationship, he would have done it. Especially after I asked him to.

Provide: Yes, a real man will provide for his lady and will feel incredibly inadequate when he is not able to do so. He was unemployed last year, and I was the sole breadwinner. And yes, he was depressed. But it was more because he couldn't provide for himself because if he did ever get any money, it was spent on making him feel better first.

Protect: A real man who loves his woman will protect her. I had issues with my parents while we were together and even though he said he would talk to them, tell them to back off, he never actually did it. But then again, he said a lot of things.

The book also explains that if a man does not have a good relationship with his mother, he will most likely not be a good partner. Why? Because a mother-son relationship is the first male-female relationship that every man is faced with. And it's the simplest. It's a relationship with the woman who gave this man life and who nurtured him. Sure, he's adopted. But then, I feel, his relationship with his adoptive mother should have been even stronger because she wanted a child so badly that she was willing to raise another woman's baby as her own. But no, he speaks of his mother as if she's some lesser being. He says she's not particularly smart, that she's flighty, that she doesn't understand things. And it reminds me of how he used to question everything I did, as if I was a functioning retard.

The book also says that when a real man is faced with losing the woman he loves, he will do WHATEVER it takes to get her back, to save the relationship. If she wants him to climb to the top of Mount Everest to prove his love, he will fucking do it in record time. He will walk on water if that what it will take to get his woman back. That's what made me the most sad. Because he didn't. He didn't even try. He didn't even ask me what it would take. Why? Because he didn't care.

My mistake, in not knowing what I wanted, was that I couldn't tell him from day one what my deal was. I didn't know if I wanted a casual realtionship, or a long-term relationship. I just went with the flow. If I had known, I would have been able to tell exactly what I wanted and if he would have had to decide if that's what he wanted or not. He would have had to decide if he wanted to put in the time and effort.

But now I'm starting to realise what I want in general:

I want a long-term, committed relationship. Doesn't have to be marriage. But most definately a marriage of the heart.

I want to have kids.

I want a man who makes significantly more money than me. He doesn't have to be stinking rich, but he must be able to provide for me. He must be the financial provider. Non-negotiable.

I want a man who is already on the path to acheiving his dreams. I can't be with a man who is all talk and no action.

He must have a good relationship with his family. Non-negotiable.

He must have a variety of interests. None of this "I don't do daytime stuff" or "I'm a night person only". I like going out in the evenings, but I also like doing things during the day.

I want a real man. That's pretty much it.

I've made my mistakes and I've learnt from them.