Awesomeness Week

I have decided that this week is Awesomeness Week. I will be at my most awesomest self, and however has an issue with it can kiss my most awesomest ass.

On Friday afternoon, I had to do some shopping for toiletries and such so I went tot he big Pick 'n' Pay down the road. As we drove in, I thought I saw a grey Palio. And yes, there was a grey Palio parked there. It had three doors. And it had His number plate. He was there. He was in the store. I started sweating and then I realised that there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was hope to not see him. I grabbed my shopping trolley and did my shopping at lightning speed, with my head down most of the time. I didn't see him and his car was gone by the time I left. Encounter averted!

I went out with Su from work on Friday night. We went to The Bohemian to watch Black Pimpin' Jesus, my friends. We had quite the adventure! First off, we got to a late start. I went to have some dinner with my folks and the restaurant was really busy and out food took almost an hour to come out.So everything was delayed by about an hour. I finally got to to Su's place in Kayalami, we had a glass of wine at her place and then off we went. I was driving my dad's car which he had loaned to me. On the M1 into town, we drove passed a bad accident that had happened on the other side of the highway. There was some debris on our side of the highway but neither of us thought much about it, it didn't really look like a lot. Next thing, the car starts driving funny and Su says we have a flat tyre. So I pull over and check. And there we were, on the side of the highway with a flat. What do we do? We start phoning all the men we knew. Not one of them answered. Not one. All of a sudden this car pulls over in front of us and we start to panic on account of the fact that we;re two women, on the side of the highway at night. Out jump four Indian guys and immediately I feel better. Indian guys are not particularly threatening. And they know cars. I know, I know, stereotyping, but seriously, stereotypes and cliches are that because they are true. They told us that they had driven by and that they had seen two guys in the bushes behind our car and that's why they came back. They pointed them out to us, and I flipped. Anything could have happened. Soon after, a white, unmarked car pulls up behind us and a guy in a cop uniform gets out and talks to those two guys in the bushes. They did not come to see if we were ok. Then all of them get into the unmarked car and drive away. Chances are, they were not cops. We got lucky when those Indian guys showed up, threw them off. So they change the tyre for us and they were very, very nice and helpful. It's good to know that there are people out there that give a shit.

So eventually we got to the Bohemian. Black Pimpin' Jesus was amazing! And *sigh* we met Freddie from Idols. He is divine!!! I didn't really dig him on the show, but he's a lot more delish in person. He has lovely lips.... *smile*

I went to the optometrist on Saturday for my follow up appointment and it turns out that my eyes are slowly dying because of my contact lenses. My eyes have not been getting enough oxygen and there are parts of my eye that are starting to die. If it grows and goes over my pupil, that's it for me eyesight. I will be blind. So I am wearing specs at the moment. It's the first time in about 4 years that I am wearing actual specs and it's freaking me out. My 3Dness is completely messed up at the moment. I reach for things and am either too short or over, I have tripped going up and down the stairs at home a few dozen times in the last 24 hours, the ground looks very far away and I'm a little nervous to walk in heels. Saturday afternoon and evening was the worst. I felt as though I was looking at everything through a fish-eye lens and it gave me a huge headache, coupled with some nausea. It was hectic. I slept a lot. I was actually quite depressed at the possibility of being blind. That's why I've given up on the contact lenses. I only have this one pair of eyes and I will die if I can't see. Seriously. I will die if I go blind.

My vision felt better when I got up on Sunday and I was able to bum around in Menlyn with my mom. I bought a few pretty things. Ok, I bought a lot of pretty things. And most importantly, I bought a piece of art! At Mr. Price Home, I got a photograph of the New York City skyline at night. It's gorgeous and it's now hanging over my bed. Now I can look up at it and feel as though I'm home. By the afternoon, I started feeling out of it again, headachey but less nauseous. So I slept some more and it was great. I think it's just that my eyes get tired of seeing so much. Oh yes, another important thing is that I have started taking a vitamin. I am starting to look after myself in every aspect. And it's good.

Yesterday I realised that I am starting to feel happy. Genuine and uncomplicated happiness. I have minimal worries. I am the most important person in my life and I make decisions that will benefit me first. I no longer have to worry about anyone else. I am free to be me.

I made a lot of mistakes in the last three and a half years. I can admit that now. I can do that because I have forgiven myself. I don't think of myself as stupid for making those mistakes. I see them as lessons now, lessons that I needed to learn. Lessons that will make me a stronger, better woman in the future. In fact, in the now. I no longer feel the need to please everyone around me. That's new. And I no longer want complicationsa nd drama in my life and I now know how to stay away from it. I am not allowing myself to become involved in situations that I don't want to be involved in. I am going out and doing the things that I want to do. And I am treating myself to pretty things. Those are things I never used to do. And they are now a part of me.

So awesomeness week has begun and I will continue to be awesome. I will not allow anyone to undermine me, to bring me down or to doubt myself.

That's that.