I have been busy, busy, busy this weekend.... I'm getting my things ready to move into my new room, hopefully next week, so this weekend has been all about preparation.
On Saturday, I painted the walls of the room. Colour? White. Boring, I know, but easy to co-ordinate with any colour I like. I was fucked afterwards.... The paint fumes really got to me, plus I had something to the effect of snow-blindness. ot white-blindness. It's almost as though I got lost in this wall of white. But I think it had more to do with the paint fumes than anything else.
Today I have been getting my bedding ready. I washed my duvet and pillows. I don't want his smell on them any more. It's strange. I had always loved his scent, thought it was so sexy and wonderful. Now I find it repulsive. When I took my bedding out of the bag I was storing them in, all I wanted to do was get rid of his stench. If I had the money, I would have bought new bedding and burnt the stuff I have. Ugh, it was bad.
I saw my shrink for the last time yesterday. She says I am making good progress and that I mustn't beat myself up for feeling sad or angry. She says it's still going to be a long time before I am 100% fine again. I was with him a long time and a lot of damage was done. I've been discovering how he's changed me all on my own. There are things about me that were so very different before he came into my life and I am slowly becoming more of the person I was. And that person was fucking awesome. And soon... soon I will be that awesome person again, except that I will be even more awesome.
And now, I am taking a beer break before finishing up this whole cleaning and tidying thing. My muscles are fucking killing me, but it's all good. It's for a good cause because soon I will have my bedroom, my sanctuary.
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