Finally Friday

It's finally Friday and I can't wait for this day to be over so that the weekend can begin. Last night was quite a bad night for me. I cried a lot. I cried over my little angel. I miss her so much. But I will be strong and get through this. I have to survive this. I try not to cry, but there are times that the sadness is too overwhelming and it just has to come out. It's better that way.

Only One Day Left

I'm so glad it's already Thursday afternoon. If I had to sit here any longer this week I'd probably go postal.

Mr Creepy's team decided to celebrate the Rugby World Cup thing. They have decorated the office with flags and rugby pictures and such. They also decided that Friday would be rugby day at the office. So they decided to order vetkoek. So this one girl goes around with the menu of vetkoek fillings and asks almost everyone at the office to place their order. That's right. ALMOST everyone. They skipped me and all of the Coaching and Training team. And this is supposed to be a team building thing. It looks more like a "kiss my ass while I brown-nose the boss" thing. It's fucking pathetic. If you want to exclude people because they are not good enough for your elite little team of brown-nosers, then make the arrangements via email. Do not fucking talk about your plans in "hushed" tones in a fucking open plan office. And don't force non-rugby fans to look at your fucking rugby paraphenalia all fucking day. I don't wallpaper the office with posters of Jacques Kallis and Hashim Amla when the Cricket World Cup is on.

The boss called me earlier and asked me to arrange accommodation for myself at Olwazini for next week. He wants be to be there to work and there are things we need to discuss. I'm glad that I'll be getting out of here for a week. I'm so sick of the back-stabbing, the office politics and all the bullshit that goes on in this office. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being spied on. I'm tired of all the bullshit.

My highlight of the weekend will be seeing the CapTim on Saturday. We are going to hang out. It's been a long time since we last just hung out, no worries. I miss him terribly. He's my best friend and I feel like we need to spend time together and see if our relationship has any chance of survival.

Now I need to find a way to make it through the rest of the afternoon without losing my mind.

Furstration and Sadness

In our department, one of the teams is comprised of a number of spies, their manager being the biggest spy and brown-noser of them all. I had shared a space with them on our floor, but was moved when their team grew. It was wonderful. Then last week, I found out that they were going to move because their team grew some more... Where did the move to? Right in front of me. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful. One of the guys is creepy as all hell. He flirted with me at Olwazini last week and made me feel very uncomfortable. Mr Creepy now sits right in front of me. God dammit, I'm irritated. I just want to be left alone. This group is comprised of the biggest suck-ups in this place. It's so frustrating.

The sad part is very sad. A co-worker who went on maternity leave in the beginning of July came to visit today with her month-old baby girl. She was beautiful. I held that little baby in my arms and it just felt so right, so natural. And it felt so sad, because six weeks ago, I miscarried my precious little angel. I managed to hold the tears back until I went for a smoke with my friend Zee. Then the tears came. And they are still coming. That precious little baby reminded me of every dream I had for mine. And yes, for someone who has never wanted kids, I  think I'm starting to change my mind about that. I want a baby. It felt so natural to hold her. I know I'd be fucking good at it. One day, I'll have the most beautiful, most precious little baby. Until then, I'll think of my precious little angel, feel a little sad and then realise that wherever she is, she is fine and my abuelita is looking after her.

Mood: Crying

Now Playing: Life of Agony

Back to Reality

I spent three days out of the office at Olwazini, our training centre in Muldersdrift. It's so beautiful out there. For three days I experience a distinct lack of ringing phones and office gossip, which was lovely. Today I'm just exhausted from being in the office. I hate it.

I had my performance appraisal and it was smashingly well. My boss thinks I'm awesome and I'm not going to argue.

In order to make my day a bit more tolerable, I have compiled a playlist consisting of Monster Magnet, Black Pimpin' Jesus, Everlast, Alabama 3 and Kid Loco. I'm fucking loving it!!!

Third Time Lucky?

This is my third attempt at a blog. I'm hoping that it's the charm. Fuck it, I know it is. I can feel it in my little toe and when I feel something in my little toe, I know it's gonna be good.

So why am I, The Duchess, attempting to blog once again? Here's the deal... I recently starting tweeting and I'm terrified that I lose the ability to write in more than 140 characters. And so I will rant, rave and expel all the bullshit I have stored inside my brain, uncensored. If you don't like it, move along, you have no business here.

Let me start off by saying that I work at a bank, and I'm very much the odd one out. I'm "rock 'n' roll" while others are conservative corporates, although in the real sense of rock 'n' roll, I'm actually not so out there. But hey, if you're waist deep in conservative, anything can be considered "that crazy rock 'n' roll lifestyle". But hey, I like being the odd one out. I don't give a shit what people think any more. I don't hide who and what I am and I'm happy that way.

Secondly, I don't particularly like people. I think most people are stupid and stupidity annoys me. Example, one of our newest employees, let's call her the 'Potamus, was going on about how pens disappear from desks, blah, blah, blah... It's an open plan office, people are shit-heads and take stuff that doesn't belong to them. Lock your shit up and shut the fuck up. So 'Potamus says that we should ask security to check the footage from the cameras to see who's been at our desks. HUH???? Sure we have cameras, but only in the reception areas!!! As she says it, she points to the sprinklers on the ceiling *trying so hard not to laugh out loud at her stupidity as I type this* Yeah. She thought that the sprinklers and smoke detectors were cameras. See what I mean? Stupid people. I have no time for that.

Thirdly, and this may have been noticed already, I swear. A lot. If it offends, move along. And don't get your panties in a knot if you catch your kid reading this. You're a parent. Do your fucking JOB and don't pass the buck. I won't get started on my little rant regarding the lack of parenting. Not yet, anyway.

I may post on a regular basis. I may even post more than once a day. But there may be times where I am silent for a long time. That is when my life is going supremely well and I have nothing to bitch about.

So now you know.

This is me.

This is my blog.

Fuck yeah.

Music: Black Pimpin' Jesus - The Devil's Gospel

Mood: It's the weeeeeeekend, baby!!!!