Long Weekend

I took the day off work on Thursday to attend the funeral of my friend's husband. It was so sad. She was devastated. I can't imagine going through that. In fact, I would rather go through all of my pain, ten times over, than have to go through even one second of her pain. I just pray that she finds the strength to carry on, to raise her two boys as best as she can, so that they can continue their father's legacy.

To try and cheer myself up on Thursday night, I went to Cafe Barcelona for the Bruce Springsteen tribute. It was tons of fun. I hung out with Jess and Jan and I saw some other old friends. It was good to be out amongst people from the old days, from before the ex. They have accepted me back into the fold without question or judgement and I love them for that. I got asked out on a date, which I politely refused. It was some guy that I had met at Runnings many years ago, but I had always thought he was gay... Ooops! But he was drunk and I don't do that any more. I also spoke with Bee... Her boyfriend plays in the ex's band. She asked if we had broken up, which I confirmed and she told me that I am looking really good now. She also told me that, according to her boyfriend, my ex is in some terrible depression and no one knows when they are going to play another gig. They haven't even had a practice since March! I told her that I have no idea what he's going through, and that I pretty much don't care. She loved it. I saw other ex-band members of the ex's and they were all very sweet to me. I like that.

On Friday afternoon, I went with my sister to her friend's house. She has a little boutique and she had just received new stock so we were all invited to shop and drink wine. I had a lovely time, and also bought myself a few goodies! It was very strange to see an ex-friend/new enemy there. She was part of the reason that my sister and I had fallen apart, she essentially stabbed me in the back. Then when she found out about the break-up, she was more interested in remaining friends with the ex, so that was really the end of that. So yeah, it was weird for a while, and then she left, thank goodness.

On Saturday, we had to do some shopping and then in the afternoon, my mom and I went to church. I like going to church. Especially the singing. And just the feeling that He's listening. I prayed a lot for my friend, so that God can give her strength.

On Sunday, my dad, sister and I went for a hike in the Magaliesberg, a place called Shelter Rock. It's about an hour away from Pretoria. The hike itself is up a mountain, not too difficult. It's about 8km's in total. Despite the fact that I'm extremely unfit, I went up that mountain relatively easily. As we started going down, however, I slipped on some loose rocks and fell on my bum. The rocks hurt my back quite a bit, just to the left of my spine. I was really shocked and burst into tears! But I got up, dusted myself off, wiped the tears from my face and made it down. Towards the end of it, I was in a ton of pain. Every step hurt, but all I wanted was to get to the car, so I kept a good pace. My dad was really impressed. The only other casualty was my shorts. With the fall, they tore. Had I not been wearing underwear, my bum would have been visible to all! Very embarrassing! When we got home, I took a nice shower and my mom helped me to put a pain relief plaster on my lower back. This morning, when I got dressed for work, I noticed that my bum-crack is bruised. Yeah. Looks really attractive!!! But despite that, I really enjoyed myself and I would like to do it again... Once I've healed!!!

Tomorrow is another public holiday, Workers' Day. I didn't take today off because of the funeral on Thursday. So I am sitting here, at the office, on my own. Yip. On my own. A few people are supposed to be here, but all the desks are empty. I may very possibly go home early today. It sucks not having anyone to talk to!

Tomorrow I am just going to take it easy. I am probably going to go through my closet and get rid of some more old clothes that I don't wear any more. I am getting a new closet put in next week Monday and I can't wait! I might also ask my dad to take me to the furniture store because I want to replace my chest of drawers. I'd like to see what they have.

Well, seeing as there is no one here today, I am also going to take the day "off". Except that I'll be here, at the office. What fun...

Interesting Article

I found an interesting article on Funny or Die.... 5 Things You Must Immediately Get Rid Of After A break-Up

Here's a sample:

1. Texts. Going through your texts to find the last time they said “I love you” is looking up at rock bottom.  Texts are actually the easiest item on this list of things to purge so get them out of the way and gain some momentum to make it through this stuff.  When you’ve cleared your sexts, change their contact name to something really mature, take a deep breath, and move on.
2. Their clothes. The offering of a drawer to a partner to keep their things in at your place is an exciting step for a couple.  Clearing it out at the end of the relationship is not.  Resist the urge to keep the contents of that drawer around, and return them to your former regular guest.  This is especially important if you ever drink alcohol.  You know it was true love when you come home wasted and put on her tank top and fall asleep sniffing it and sucking on her toothbrush.  I mean… I would imagine.
3. Pictures. The image of you two together is going to keep convincing your brain that you are.  Shut your stupid brain up by replacing every picture of your removed lover you have with money.  Just stuff the bills right into the frame.  Have you ever done it before?  Doesn’t it sound awesome?  It is.  You won’t be lonely anymore when you can see all the money you no longer waste on toilet paper and awful dates where you pretend to enjoy not wearing sweatpants and leaving your house.
4. Playlists. CDs and playlists of “this is our song!” songs can go even deeper than pictures for tricking you into thinking someone still loves you.  They don’t.  No amount of John Mayer or Jewel will change that.  Take this opportunity to replenish your iTunes with the stuff you used to listen to but stopped because they weren’t a fan.  I can’t believe you ever let them change who you are and what you listen to.  Fucking Jewel?  Seriously?  Why?  Delete it.
5. Their hair. It doesn’t have to be their hair; it could be a wrapper from their brand of gum or the receipt from a pregnancy test you bought together.  Traces of past relationships are everywhere, and you’ll know it the second you see one through the haze of tears.  Even inconspicuous pieces of garbage are sometimes responsible for reminiscing and can set your break up healing back weeks.  Clean everything.  Your bathroom, your car, your bedroom, everywhere.  I keep finding strands of my ex’s perfect hair in my bedroom.  Trust me, there is nothing sadder than contemplating collecting your ex’s left behind hairs and making a life-size replica of her with them that will still love you.

PMS Monster

It's been terrible this month.... The worst mood swings I've ever experienced. The weather isn't helping... It's cold, really cold and grey. I have had a headache for about 4 days straight and I am now getting really tired of it. My only comfort is sleep. I can't get enough.

I found out why the ex was having his little drama... First, one of his band members left his band. So it's all falling apart around him again. Apparently the reason behind it is the habits that they keep. Not good ones, obviously.

Also, his place was broken into on Saturday... Not really sure how it happened, as his flat is on the second floor. The only way they could have gotten in is through the front door.... Meaning that he left it unlocked. So, his fault, really.

So all his status updates were just a cry for attention.... Boo-hoo-hoo, look at me, my life sucks.

Yes, yes, it does and it's your own stupid fault.

I am going to my friend's husband's funeral tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. But I have to be there.

Tomorrow night I am going to Cafe Barcelona for a Bruce Springsteen tribute. I'm going to need a happy vibe after the funeral.

My dad, sister and I might be going on a hike on Friday or Saturday. Should be fun.... Perhaps some sunshine and exercise will do me good. I feel as though I'm in a funk today.

For some reason, I am thinking a lot about my relationship.... Remembering things. It all happens very suddenly. I'll get a flash of a memory when I'm walking to the office or when I'm in the shower or watching tv... It disturbs me deeply. I don't like remembering - not the good times, not the bad times. I don't want to remember any of it. Perhaps it's because the cold weather reminds me of last year, when we broke up. And it's close to exactly a year since it all fell apart... I want it all to stop.

Weekendness

It was a rather interesting weekend....

I went to Steak and Ale to watch the Black Cat Bones on Friday night. It took me a while to decide what to do. Part of me wanted to just go home and go to sleep, but a bit of a party eventually won the battle! After a divine dinner with my folks at O'Galito's in Woodlands, I went off to Centurion to Steak and Ale. I met up with Jess and Jan and we had an awesome time. I got home just before 1am and slept!!!

As expected, I woke up with a bit of a hangover on Saturday morning. I almost think I'm starting to get too old for going out!!! Hectic headache and feeling like I'd picked up a spot of flu. And then as I'm browsing Facebook, I see that Steak and Ale, where I had been the previous evening, had burnt to the ground! I still have no idea as to what time it happened, but it must have been after they closed, so maybe 5 or 6 in the morning.

I did a spot of shopping on Saturday. I bought a new handbag, as well as a trolley bag for my laptop. I've gotten tired of lugging my stupid laptop around on public transport so now I have my little bag on wheels! Yay! I also bought some essentials... Socks, undies, gloves.... Nothing too exciting. But it was good.

I've been looking for new work pants but haven't been able to find the right length and the right size. On Sunday I was at Edgars in Woodlands Mall and I finally found the longer length pants. Happiness! Except that it now seems that I'm between sizes!! I'm either going to have to lose some weight or pick some up! Gah!

So on Sunday, I was driving from Woodlands to Lynwood Grove and who do I cross paths with? The ex.... driving in the opposite direction. It's so weird. It's like his car just stands out from all the others and I instantly know it's him. That kind of annoyed me. I had also seen one of out mutual friends comment on his status update which reads " Fuck it. I should have been born dead". Hmmm... And then later on Sunday afternoon, he writes "Give me one reason to live and I'll give you three to die". Which has gotten me thinking that he must be going through some depression or something. I know that I must not worry myself. I also know that I must not be happy that he's depressed. But I start to think back to our break-up and the things that were said. And I remember saying to him "Damn you. Damn you to hell". And I really meant it. I also wished that he would never find happiness. Ever. Could it be that my words did, in fact, have that much power? I don't know. Well, whatever he's going through at the moment, he will have to go through it on his own. I am not a part of his life any more, and even if my words are coming true, I know that I haven't done anything to make his life a misery. I have left it in the hands of fate. So we'll see what happens.

I am not going to be at work on Thursday. I am going to a funeral. One of my close friends from high school suffered a huge tragedy last week. Her husband was in a car accident and he passed away. She is completely devastated and I need to be there for my old friend. They were together since she was 16. That's more than half her life that she's had him in her life and now, just like that, he's gone. And they have two little boys that are now without a father. It's so sad and tragic. And so very unfair. As soon as I start believing in the goodness of God, soemthing like this happens and it makes me start doubting again. Why do good people have to suffer such tragedies?

Well. After the last two depressing paragraphs, I'm just going to stop writing for now.

E Cards Galore!!!

I really enjoy e-cards... These are a few favourites...

Cute Stuff Time!!!

Another selection of some of the cutest things I've seen on the interwebs!!!

Cookies and milk, anyone???

Cupcakes.... I love cupcakes!!!!

Teddy bear sandwiches!!!

Kitty ten-pin bowling!!!!

A stunning butterfly ring.... Adore it!!

Butterflies AND cupcakes????

Cutest milk jug I've ever seen!!!

Angel Wing necklace...

A Really Long Week.... But Not...

It feels as though this week is extremely long. But Actually it isn't. It's just that we've had four-day weeks for the last two weeks, so a regular, five-day week feels longer than usual! April is a strange month, with all the public holidays!

So work is going along quite nicely now.... I was stressed to standstill the other day, but I got my groove yesterday and was able to do a week's worth of work in just a few hours.

There is still a manual that I need to complete but I'm waiting for information to be able to finish it.

I am so looking forward to the weeknd. I'm thinking of going for a whole lot of retail therapy.... Pretty things.... I want lots of pretty things!!! Seriously though, I'm in desperate need of some winter clothes. After cleaning out my closet last weekend, I realise that I have precious few clothes!!!

And hopefully the weather is a little cold and I can spend lots of time in my awesome bed! I've managed to break the mattress in quite quickly and now it's delightfully comfy! I love it!

It's so strange.... These days I am exhausted!!! I may have some energy in the morning, but by the time I get on the bus to start making my way home, I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open! So when I get home, I usually just have dinner, maybe watch some TV and then go to bed. And I sleep right through the night! It's probably a part of that cycle I go through.... Sometimes I don't need much sleep, other times, I can't seem to get enough. Right now I'm going through the latter. I'm really looking forward to having that extra day to sleep late next weekend!

And now I need breakfast. I am rather hungry.

I'm Just Not That Into It...

It's another slow day for me today. The work keeps piling up but the brain does not want any part of it.

The reason behind it is that I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed with CR, our training manager. She has messed up really badly at work. So badly, in fact, that all her responibilities have been taken away from her until further notice. So she comes to work every day and spends her day taking care of her personal issues. Which would be fine if she was quiet about it, but she isn't. It irritates me to see her and hear her. My friends and co-workers are working their assess off to clean up her mess, while she prances around acting as though she's done nothing wrong.

Then I'm kind of angry at my mom. She lost her shit at me on Saturday because I didn't want to go to the shops with her. And then she says some truly terrible things to me, things I'd rather not repeat. On Sunday, my dad made a braai and she was such a bitch to him, telling him that she found it all to be horrible. Then yesterday, on my sister's birthday, she says that she's not going to the birthday dinner my sister organised because she wasn't feeling well. Yeah, she can stay home and skip out on a family occassion, but I can't prefer to stay at home rather than go to the shops. Double standard much?

So my sister's birthday dinner, without my mother, went really well actually. A lot of my sister's friends came through and we all had a really good time. I'm actually rather glad my mother didn't go. She's always so awkward around people. She claims it's because she can't hear, but she has a hearing aid that she refuses to wear. She also claims that her English is bad. But I've heard her speak and it's just fine. But whatever. We had a good time without her.

So yes, I am annoyed. And that means that I am not working.

I almost wanted to stay home today, but I'd rather be at work, dealing with the shit here than at home, dealing with my mother.

All this stress is making me tired. Very, very, very tired.

Bleh...

Slow Start

Monday mornings are not easy for me at the best of times... Today is even worse for some reason. It seriously feels as though my brain has not yet woken up!

I got my new mattress yesterday and I was very happy. I lay on it for a little while in the afternoon and it felt great. But I didn't sleep well last night. Obviously I need to break the mattress in, but I was also struggling with controlling my temperature. First I was cold. Then I was too hot. Then cold again... So I spent the entire night fighting with the duvet, on and off and on and off... Not fun!!

I have so much work to do but my brain feels as though it's on permanent snooze!!! Hopefully the food I just had, along with my lovely Coke will help.

And today is my sister's birthday and we are all going out for dinner to celebrate. Should be fun!

Trying to Escape the Tension

I was off sick on Wednesday and Thursday. I had a bit of an infection in the lady area and the doctor was great enough to book me off for two days. Apart from feeling sick, it was actually really nice to not be at the office. There is so much tension here that I can barely stand it. There is one Negative Nancy that is making things miserable for everyone and I hate it. The tension is so thick in this office, you could cut it with a knife. I have taken to escaping this tension by listening to 5fm on my phone. Earphones are my best defense at the moment.

My Own Personal Easter

For the first time in many years, I celebrated Easter the way it was meant to be celebrated... In church. I went to church on Good Friday as well as on Easter Sunday. I used this holiday to put the past behind me for once and for all. I have forgiven God and I've forgiven the ex for everything that happened. I am still in the process of forgiving myself. That is proving to be the hardest. But it wil happen, I am confident of that.

It felt good to be in the church. I felt a great sense of relief. And yes, I cried after taking Communion on Sunday. It was very emotional.

Today I am back at work and I am not feeling well. I am going to the doctor this afternoon and I am hoping that I can start feeling better soon. I am going to take some work home with me when I leave this afternoon. I get the feeling that I will be booked off for a few days and I simply can't afford to leave all this work behind. There is just too much to do.

I just want to sit at my desk for the next few hours, very quietly and without anyone giving me any hassles. I want to curl up in a little ball, actually.

Kinda Frustrated

When I got my bonus, I told my folks that I would take them out to dinner on the evening that my dad got back from Europe. That is this evening. However, we are going to be eating at home. Why? Just because. I love it when my invitations are blown off like that. makes me feel really special. Makes me feel that they really pay attention to me when I speak.

Closer to BBM

I'm back at the office and I'm dreading the amount of work I have to do today. But no fear, it will get done.

So I am one step closer to setting up my BBM. I have to go to Vodacom and get them to set it all up for me. So it'll get done in time. At least I have a functioning phone, I can go online and check things and whatnot. BBM can come later. It's not the end of the world.

And now I need a smoke before I get to work.

I already have a headache.

Yay for Mondays!

A little bit of everything

It's been a while since I last wrote anything because I was away on a work thing.... Training and such. It was good to spend some time out of the office and with the rest of my team. But there is a lot of work to be done when I go back to the office tomorrow.


We got paid our bonuses this month and they were very good. I already had planned what to do with mine... A new bed, definately a mattress, probably a duvet and hopefully some pillows too. And then a new phone. Which I got yesterday. A Blackberry. It's taken me a long time to finally cave in and get a Blackberry (never mind the fact that it's the first time I've been able to afford a new phone in over 4 years). I'm taking my time in learning to use it. Everyone I know has a Blackberry so it'll be easy to pick up bits of info on how to use it from the people I know.


I've also done my fair share of shopping... Retail therapy is a wonderful thing when one gets to that time of year when memories come flooding to the front of the mind. I did a lot of crying this weekend and instinct wanted me to hide in my bedroom for the duration of the weekend. Luckily a stubborn mother is a blessing at times like these and she forced me to get up, get dressed and get going. And so I shopped. And yes... I felt better.


This evening I will be busy with straightening up my bedroom, which I haven't done yet this weekend. And then it's the beginning of the work week again. Luckily it's only a four-day week this week. Friday is Good Friday. Followed by Easter Monday, so the week after next is also a four-day week. Super awesome!