Goodbye May...

Tomorrow is the first of June.... And the 11 month anniversary of you-know-what....

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my ex for everything that happened.

Why?

Because if I was still with him, I would still be miserable. I'm not miserable any more. I'm happy. I'm happy than I've been in a very long time.

Because if I was still with him, I wouldn't be doing great things at work. Thanks to him, I threw myself into my work in order to distract myself and it is now paying off.

Because if I was still with him, I wouldn't have a relationship with my parents. They came to my rescue when I needed them the most. They fogave all the horrible things I said and did to them and they have proven to be tougher than I ever imagined.

Because if I was still with him, I would be sick. I would be sick with worry. I always worried.... I was the responsible adult in the relationship, taking on all the stress while he lived a simple existence, knowing that he would be looked after.

Because if I was still with him, I would have no future. I am in a much better place in my life right now. I might not have a car, or my own home, or anything that most people my age have, but I have my health, my job and my family. Those are the most important things in my life right now and he can never touch that.

Thank you for helping me grow.

Happy Thursday!

Yesterday I finished my Portfolio of Evidence for my Assessor and Moderator course that I attended at the end of last year... I had 6 months in which to do it, and got two extensions. Yet I left it until the last minute and completed it in two days. Yes, I was stressed, and I vow to never do that again! Luckily my colleagues were also doing it at the last minute. I needed help on Tuesday and I was just terrified to call and ask someone, thinking that they were all done. But my colleague in Kimberly was only one assignment ahead of me and one of the Cape Town girls was a couple of assignments behind me! So I didn't feel so bad. I even managed to send my Protfolio off yesterday afternoon. I don't think the Cape Town girls have sent it off yet, as Liz sent some information for one of the assignments after I had posted mine! Now all I have to do is wait until I receive some feedback. I'm holding thumbs!

I have made a list of things that I need to work on. It's a short list, but it's actually very labour-intensive. But I figured that because I was so stressed out and busy the last few days, I am going to take it a little easy until Monday. Then I will be in full swing again.

So close, but so far....

I am halfway through my Portfolio of Evidence but the honest truth is that I have given up.... The printing I need to do is an issue. The printer at the office is broken and there is no ink at the printer at home. And I really don't feel like missioning around and looking for someone to print for me. I am just not in the mood for all of this rubbish. I am tired. I am annoyed. I have had enough. I don't want to do this any more.

Annoyed.....

I have been working my ass off on my PoE today, with the help of my colleague in Kimberly. He has been incredibly helpful and I really appreciate it.

But now I am so incredibly annoyed because our printer has died and there is no way to fix it.

FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

And everyone just kind of shrugs as though it's not their problem.

FUCKERS!!!

So now I am going to have to spend my time, paper and ink in getting this shit printed at home.

FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

I could say "It's my own fault for leaving too late" but I'm not going to because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!!

I have given up on this shit. I'm so over it!!!!

I fucking hate all this shit!!!

I want to go home RIGHT NOW!!!!!

The Consequences of Procrastination

I am back at the office after quite a hectic week last week.

On Tuesday, I attended a training session on diversity. It was interesting, but I'm not sure how it's supposed to be beneficial to my job. It didn't point out differences between races and give practical suggestions on how to deal with certain scenarios. It was just a talk on how people are different, on how we need to work together... All very fine and well, but not very practical. Oh well, at least it's done.

On Wednesday we had out HR team get together. We had this session on how we're each a different type of plant and this is how this one plants acts and speaks and walks. I was really irritated by the whole personality profiling thing. Firstly, the woman who presented this thing is a hairdresser by trade and she developed this "programme" herself. Secondly, this hairdresser woman is a friend of the stupid cow here at the office and it was she who got this woman to come talk to us. And I know the reason for it.... The stupid cow woman is the kind of person that will use something like this to say "Well, I'm a sunflower and that's just how I am so you must just deal with it". A sunflower, by the one, is the personality profile that means you're a complete fucking retard, that you're all about being cool and sociable all the time and that you really have no place in the business world. Ooops... Did that come out all mean and condescending?

The highlight of Wednesday was a short session where team members were recognised for their hard work. the people who worked on NAS 3 (our application system) were given R100 vouchers for the movies. And yes, I got one of those vouchers because I was the one that wrote the manual. I was super happy! And then the head of HR wanted to recognise more people with a gift. There were 6 people he wanted to recognise, and the first name he called out was mine! I was really surprised and happy. I have never received any recognition in any form before! The gift was a beautiful serving platter, with three small sauce pots and spoons. Beautiful! So it was a great end to the day!

On Thursday I went to Emperor's Palace for our HR conference. All of the HR staff that work for the retail section of the bank were there. Over 250 people. The day consisted of lectures.... Lectures about economics, leactures about the business, I even forget what the others were about.... There were a lot of them and they were long and boring. I tried very hard to pay attention but it was no use! We finished in good time in the afternoon, and then we checked into our hotel rooms. The room I had was kind of small, but functional. Not bad. We had our dinner in the evening so I put on my sexy dress and dolled myself up. The dinner was so much fun! We had Riaad Moosa as our entertainment and he is super funny! The food was ok, nothing special. And then the party started. I danced a lot! I had an awesome time! I left the party just after 11pm. Got back to my room, took a shower and got into bed. I slept really well for about an hour and then I woke up to the sound of my neighbour in the room next door. He put the TV on rather loud and was talking loudly to a friend. It was so annoying! All I wanted to do was go to back to sleep!!! After listening to the noise for about an hour, I called reception and asked them to sort it out. I had seriously had enough! It took another half hour or so for the noisy shit to quieten down. But by then, I was so annoyed that I couldn't get back to sleep!!! Needless to say, I was pissed off and tired in the morning.

On Friday morning we had a few more lectures and I struggled to stay awake. I started feeling better after tea time, when I stuffed my face with some delicious ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches! We finished our lectures early and then it was off to lunch and after that we were free to go. I got home to my kitties and took an incredible nap!

I spent the entire weekend chilling at home, mostly on the couch, watching movies. The only time I went out was Sunday night to redeem my movie vouchers with my sister.

And today I am cursing my procrastionation.... As usual, I have left an assignment until the last minute. The deadline has been extended twice already and I should have done it weeks ago, but I procrastinated and now I am days away from having to submit this thing and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing!!! Ooops!!! I guess I'll do what I can and take it from there. It's my own stupid fault, I know.

I've also been rather annoyed at the office, but that's normal. My boss confirmed that my request for an office has been approved and that I will need to sit with the relevant people when they draw up the plans for the renovation. I haven't been given an exact date as to when all of this is going to happen. All I've been told is soon.... I hate that. But at least I will be getting what I need to make work a little more bearable.

At the moment I am just killing time until I can go home. I'm a little sleepy. Also, my skin has been hurting, almost burning since last night. It feels like a sunburn, except that I haven't been in the sun. All my clothes make me hurt. What would be really comfortable right now.... Being naked and in a lukewarm bath. Seriously. I'm in a shitload of pain. I have no rash, nothing. And I'm desperately trying to not scratch because I think that will make it a lot worse.

Home time soon.... I can't wait...

Lucy Got Shot - A Post-Weekend Update

My sister was able to pick Lucy up from the animal hospital on Friday afternoon. Lucy spent the rest of the afternoon, the evening and most of Saturday in my sister's bedroom. We could see that she was in a bit of pain still. But she has been moving around more and more every day. She's even ventured outside our garden, but only for a short while, almost as though to see what's happening out there in the world. But she comes back inside rather quickly.

My dad distributed flyers at every post box at our complex. We are looking for information as to who could have done this. We still haven't heard anything and I am hoping that we get some information during the course of the week. Here's hoping that the sick bastard who did this gets the justice he deserves.

Oh Monday....

It is insanely cold and that makes me very miserable. All I want to do is be in my bed, with my warm duvet and my kitties. I slept really badly last night.... I was boiling hot in my bed! So I kept waking up. And now I'm freezing. How does one explain that?

This week is going to be a busy one... Except for today. Today is a write-off for me. I have all kinds of aches and pains to go with the cold, plus a nose that alternates between runny and blocked. So I am just going to sit here at my desk, very quietly and hopefully no one bothers me or asks anything of me.

Tomorrow I am attending some training on diversity. Then on Wednesday we have a day-long meeting with our entire HR department. Our conference starts on Thursday at Emperor's Palace and we'll be done at about 2pm on Friday afternoon. And then it will finally be weekend. I'm already tired just thinking about the week that lies ahead of me! The nice part is that our entire department will be together and I really enjoy that.

Ugh, it's not even noon yet.... How long is this day going to be?

Lucy Got Shot - Update

My sister went to visit Lucy this morning at the animal hospital.

Lucy is stable but very traumatised and still in a bit of shock. She tries to hide when anyone comes near her and is eating very little. She will be staying at the hospital. My sister will go back this afternoon to visit her and perhaps she will be able to come home then.

I have never seen a cat looking so sad.... I swear I can see her eyes filled with tears...

People Make Me Sick

We had a rather traumatic evening last night. On my way home from the Gautrain station with my dad yesterday evening, we got a phone call from my mom, asking us to please hurry home as she wanted my dad to accompany my sister to take her cat Lucy to the animal hospital. I asked my dad what was wrong and he told me the story...

Out neighbour saw Lucy carrying a rat that she had caught when suddenly, she dropped the rat and started having convulsions. The neighbour tried to pick Lucy up but she got away and made her way home. My mom was in the garden and the neighbour popped her head over the wall and told her that Lucy was not well. By that stage, Lucy had stumbled into our yard and when my mom looked at her, she noticed that she was having convulsions, dry heaving and that she was bleeding a lot from her bum. My mom freaked out and called my sister to come home immediately. The neighbour told my mom that she had seen Lucy with a rat in her mouth and they suspected that the rat had been poisoned, therby poisoning the cat. My sister raced home while my mom looked after Lucy and cleaned up the blood. When my sister arrived, she took Lucy to her vet and the put her on a drip with medication for the suspected poisoning. After a while, my sister went back home. When we received the call from my mom, my sister had just received a call from the vet saying that she was getting worse and that she should take her to the animal hospital. The vet told my sister that she had consulted another vet and they didn't believe Lucy was poisoned as her heartbeat was too fast and the reaction time was also too quick - poison takes a bit more time to take effect and makes the heartbeat slow down.

When we arrived home, my dad went with my sister to pick Lucy up from the vet and then go to the animal hospital from there. My mom and I waited at home.

When they returned, they were both very angry. When they arrived at the animal hospital with Lucy, and a letter from the vet outlining what medication she had been given, they did an examination on her. They noticed that Lucy's heartbeat was extremely fast and that she had a small bump by her hip bone. They took an x-ray and found a pellet practically touching her hip bone. The shaved her hip area, and there was an entrance wound.

The reason she was having so many convulsions and bleeding from her bum is the fact that she was in severe shock. That was also the reason for her fast heartbeat. They put her on a drip at the hospital and she was placed under observation.

My sister is going to go to the hospital this morning to see how she is, and hopefully to bring her home if she is stable.

It just infuriates me that someone would shoot a small animal for the fun of it. Lucy is very lucky that the pellet did not hit her in her abdomen. It would have ripped her insides to pieces. It's probably some stupid kid with a pellet gun, running around like a fucking delinquent, shooting everything that moves. And his fucking parents are probably oblivious. We are going to find them, and they are going to pay - not just for the vet bills but for being irresponsible parents and all-round fuckers. It just pisses me off so much!!! My dad is making up some flyers today and they will be distributed to every unit in our complex. We will find the responsible party.

Get well soon, Lucy!!!

So Over It All...

Another day at the office... I dreaded coming into the office this morning. I had such a terrible day yesterday. I really just want to stay away from everyone here in the office. I'm in a foul mood. I already have a headache. I don't want to talk to anyone. I do not want to see anyone. I want all these people in this office to leave me the hell alone. I am sick and tired of the politics. I am sick and tired of the back-stabbing. I am sick and tired of having to watch my back every day. Every time I walk into this building, I feel as though I'm entering a war zone. Since I've been in this job, I have never, ever, ever felt this way. And the worst part is that it has nothing to do with my work or my boss. It's this other stupid bitch cow that is determined to bring everyone down. Well, I won't have it. She had better stay the hell away from me if she knows what's good for her. When they fix this office up, I want to be as far from her as possible. I don't even want to breathe the same air as her. I don't want to hear her voice. I don't want to see her. I am so over all this shit.

Done...

It has been a shit day today. Two stupid cows have pissed me off so badly that I have spent all afternoon fuming about it. I am so over this one stupid cow causing shit for everyone around her. It's almost as though she enjoys it. Well, she has another thing coming if she's going to take me on. The thing is that I do not allow anyone to mess with my work reputation. Hell no. I will fucking destroy her if she comes near me again.

Now I am going to pack up my things, go home, and have a big glass of wine.

And she had better stay the hell away from me tomorrow.

Or else...

Back to Monday...

This weekend just felt way too short. And it was a busy one at that...

Saturday was a shopping day. I went to Sandton in the morning because I wanted to buy a dress for our formal dinner at the HR conference next week. I spent four hours in Sandton, trying on all kinds of dresses, none of which fit me properly. I felt like a tall, fat freak. I even had a little breakdown in one of the fitting rooms.... I had a big cry. It wasn't a pretty sight! I gave up and got back on the train to go home. I was planning on spending the rest of the afternoon and evening in my PJ's, watching movies and drowning my sorrows, most likely by stuffing my face. Yes, I know.... Making myself feel better for feeling fat by eating.... Fucking stupid. But as I was on the train, Dee sends me a message asking how it went and then she told me that she was going to pick me up from my house when I got there, and that she was going to take me to Menlyn and we were going to find a dress. She did not take no for answer. And so, I went to Menlyn with Dee, and, yes... We found a dress. I fell in love with it as soon as I put it on. It is so sexy. And wearing it, I don't feel fat or gigantically tall! I can't wait for the dinner function next week! I am going to be smokin' hot!

Sunday was Mothers Day and we took my mom out for brunch at Tribeca Standard in Lynnwood Bridge. They messed up our booking and didn't have a table ready for us. The managers were totally incompetant and I was starting to lose my temper. We finally got a table and then we sat there, waiting for someone to come take our drinks order. Ther service was slow in general, but the atmosphere was nice. By the time our food came, it was much later than "brunch" and started going into "lunch" time. But the meal was good and we all had a great time.

I thought a lot about last year, what I did last Mothers Day. I'm actually glad that I'm single.... I don't think I could have handled another Mothers Day with the ex being all depressed, saying how he doesn't have a mother, blah, blah, blah. Thinking about it yesterday, it's actually quite an insult to his adoptive mother, who raised him and gave him everything. Just goes to show that even a day like Mothers Day is ALL ABOUT HIM.

After that it was pretty much just a lazy Sunday afternoon. I watched Chocolat. And that's when I realised why women all over the world go mad for Johnny Depp. He looked super hot in that movie!

And it was an early night for me.

Now it's back to work and I am so not in the mood. I'm still sleepy....

Connected Once More

I finally got my laptop back today after being without it for a day and a half.

But of course, I haven't done any work today. I mean, it's Friday afternoon. It's almost time to go home. So that's all there is to it.

I'm pretty tired today, I'm not sure why.

One of "Those" Days?

So the migraine is all over, thank goodness. But I am still in a mood. I spoke to my boss yesterday about it. I am finding the noise at the office very distracting. There is also stress and politics amongst certain members of our team and it is impacting me in a very negative way. In general I can feel my energy levels at an all-time low. I can't concentrate on anything and I am always feeling stressed and uncomfortable. I heard yeasterday that the sales people who share our open-plan space will be moving out and that the rest of the HR team will be moving in. They will also be closing our space up so that there is minimal noise coming from the call centre. I asked my boss to please speak on my behalf and to ask that I get a small office so that I can work in peace. I feel that this is the only way that I will be able to focus on what needs to be done without the distractions of those around me.

It makes me feel very sad, the fact that I am feeling so demotivated at work. Since I have been working for my boss, I have never felt this way. And the worst part of it is that it has nothing to do with my work or with my boss. It's all got to do with the environment that I'm in. I always used to be able to block it al out, but I can't do it any more. I need silence. I need to concentrate. I need to do my work. In peace. It feels as though I am going to lose it at any moment. I can see myself standing up and going absolutely postal. Even now, as I'm typing this, there are at least four conversations going on at full fucking volume. This is getting beyond ridiculous. It's no fucking wonder I've got headaches and migraines all the time.

I want to fucking run away.

More Duchess-Style Fashion Police from the Costume Institute Gala 2012

More pictures, more opinions!

Anna Wintour in Prada

Ms. Fashion herself wore a custome made Prada gown made to represent Schiaparelli's famous Lobster Dress. Only Ms. Wintour can pull something like this off, looking classic and fashionable at the same time.

Elizabeth Banks in Mary Katrantzou

This gown has a lot going on. A lot. Four different patterns. Peplum. Cape-thingy. Bold. Fierce. In theory, I would say it doesn't work, it's too much, but the reality of it is that despite the business and muchness, Elizabeth makes it work by keeping the rest of her look simple. I like this. Even though I don't want to.

Ginnifer Goodwin in Monique Lhuillier

I love this tangerine creation. It's soft and feminine, hugs her body in all the right places and works wonders on her complexion. It balances her short hair beautifully. I would have liked to see a strappy sandal with this delicate gown, but that's just me being fussy.

Hailee Steinfeld in Prada

This is what a young woman wears to a gala event. Are you looking at this, Shailene Woodley? It's elegant, it's pretty and it makes her look young and fresh. I love it!

Kirsten Dunst in Rodarte

I like this dress, really, I do. But it is not nearly glam enough for an event like this and it makes Kiki look like an old maid school teacher. Beautiful - yes. Event appropriate - no.

Leslie Mann in Nina Ricci

I like the floatiness of this gown, although I'm not a fan of the mullet effect - long in the back, short in the front. And a more delicate shoe and belt would have been better.

Mary-Kate Olsen in The Row

This is one of her own designs. I can't fault it too much. It's black, it's nigh-necked and long-sleeved. It just drowns her tiny frame. And I really don't know what's going on with that frizzy hair and mad make-up.

Solange Knowles in Rachel Roy

I love this gown! The bold yellow, strapless, peplum gown works wonders on her! Definitely the better-dressed Knowles sister on the red carpet at this event!

Stella McCartney in..... Stella McCartney

Keeping it very low-key, Stella McCartney wears a crop metallic top and simple black trousers from her own collection. This is a top fashion event, sweetie, you are required to glam it up a little!

Post-Migraine

After days and days of headaches, the migraine finally hit me with full force yesterday. I had none of the usual warning signs, just blinding pain from one minute to the next. My vision was blurred, my sensitivity to touch, smell and sound was heightened and then there was the pain.... I don't even have the words to describe the kind of pain that I was in.

I left the office a little early and made my way home. Yes, despite the pain that I was in, I still caught the bus to the train station and then sat on a hot and overcrowded train all the way back to Pretoria. When my dad finally came to fetch me at the station, I was close to tears. We went to the pharmacy and got a migraine mix. Expensive, but very, very necessary. As soon as I got home, I took my 7 little pills in the mix and went to bed. No dinner, no nothing. I was in bed by 6:30pm. That's right.

And I slept. Whatever those pills had in them, they knocked me right out. When I got into bed I looked at the time and I thought that I would be awake at some random time, like 2 or 3 in the morning. I slept until my alarm went off at 4:45am.

I'm still a little woozy and light-headed right now. It's probably still the effects of the pills. I am doing my very best to remain calm and stress-free today. I think the thing that pushed me over into migraine territory yesterday was the fact that I was in a horrible mood and highly stressed. So I'm just here in my little bubble, trying to remain oblivious to everything around me.

We have had some good news at the office. The noisy people that share the open plan office with us will be moving. I don't know when, I don't know where, I am just glad that it's happening. And I hope it happens soon!

Fashion Police - Costume Institute Gala 2012

The Costume Institute Gala was held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City last night.... And here are the pictures, along with my opinion of how our favourite celebrities looked on fashion's biggest night! Let's do this!

Alexa Chung

I do not know what this woman is famous for, nor do I care. It looks as though she is wearing a trash bag over her white shirt... And an ill-fitting trash bag at that!

Amber Heard in Zac Posen

For a while she rocked an awesome red carpet look and I am wondering where that look went! I'm not a huge fan of the colour for evening wear for a start. This dress looks a little too big for her, although I'm not sure. I think she's lost some weight and all that remains are the boobs. I like the hair and make-up, but from the neck down, this girl does not pull it off.

Amy Adams in Giambasistta Valli

Long, flowing gown - check. Veronica Lake curls - check. Classic old-Hollywood make-up - check. All in all, this is a great look. I love it!

Ashely Greene in Donna Karen

I like the gown, but that's pretty much where the love affair ends. No effort with hair or make-up, no jewellery and a dazed expression. Does Ashely Greene know where she is?

Beyonce in Givenchy

Beyonce always goes for all-out extravegance at events like this, so I was expecting something "out there". The difference between now and previous occassions is that she used to pull it off. I don't even know where to begin with this.... The beading over a sheer gown... The purple, feathered train.... Wow. Has motherhood made Beyonce lose her freakin' mind?

Brooke Shields in J. Mendel

Not that I like wishing anyone ill, but I truly hope that the walking stick is for a legitimate reason, like a twisted ankle or something. Otherwise, I like the gown, nice and age-appropriate. Even though Brooke Shields suffers from a serious case of man-face.

Brooklyn Decker

She's a beautiful woman... I just don't know why she didn't have this gown properly fitted and taken in. It just looks too big and hangs off her frame. Bleh!

Cameron Diaz in Stelle McCartney

Cameron Diaz shines no matter what she wears.... And this bling-bling gown just makes her shine more! I love the quirky, Something About Mary hairstyle! One suggestion though, Cameron dear, please wear a bra! Your girls aren't as perky as the used to be!

Camille Belle in Ralph Lauren

I love this gown and her entire look! The dark lips, simple up-do and delicate jewellery work! And I love the back!

Candice Swanepoel

Showing off some really buff arms, this blue gown makes her eyes pop. I like the curve-creating panels, but I'm not crazy about the sheer slits.

Carey Mulligan in Prada

The newlywed shines in this metallic, fish-scale gown by Prada. A simple up-do and no jewellery keeps the focus on the dress. I'm usually not a fan of this kind of metallic dress, but she makes it work!

Cate Blanchett in Alexander McQueen

Yes, this dress is covered in feathers, but Cate pulls it off beautifully. A pop of colour on the lips would have been great though.

Chace Crawford

Because I had to put a little eye-candy in here!

Chelsea Clinton

She looks good in this red, lace gown. Simple and elegant, and just a little boring.

Chloe Sevigny

Well known for her quirky style, Chloe Sevigny looks like she was caught in the part part of the 90's in this monstrosity. What was she thinking?

Christina Ricci in Thakoon

I like the actual dress part of this ensemble. But the bow need to go.... It's just too much!

Dakota Fanning in Louis Vitton

The seventeen year old actress looks sweet and delicate in this pale lavender gown. A lovely fresh look for the young actress!

Daniel Radcliffe and Rosie Coker

Does Daniel Radcliffe ever see the sun? I have never seen a human being with such pale skin. It's actually freaking me out a little! Rosie's dress is simple and lovely, but perhaps a little too simple for an evening like this.

Debra Messing

I love the pewter-metallic gown she's wearing. It looks super comfortable! But the deep vee? No, not at your age any more my dear!

Donald and Melanie Trump

Mrs Trump is looking fierce in her white cocktail dress. I love the matching orange tans.... Not!

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski

She is one of my favourites on the red carpet, and she wears this simple gown beautifully. I would have loved to see her in something a little more extravegant though.

Emma Roberts in Escada

Bright, young and fresh. She looks gorgeous!

Emma Stone in Lanvin

She looks cute as a button and super excited to be there. I love Emma Stone!!!

Eva Mendes in Prada

I love the bright orange and the detail on the bust. A sexy hairstyle would have been awesome though!

Gerard Butler

More eye-candy!!!

Gisele Bundchen in Givenchy

Lovely gown, lovely shoes. Boring hair and a little too Oompa-Loompa looking with that fake tan.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Prada

She caused quite a commotion in this little Prada number. I don't like it one bit. She may still look young and fresh, but there is an age limit for the side-boob. I don't like this.

Heidi Klum in Escada

I love the grey lace! And the neck detailing. I don't like the shoes.

Hilary Swank in Micheal Kors

I love this gown! It looks as though it's been wrapped around her figure. For an actress that's made her name playing a boy and a boxer, she's got some sexy womanly curves!

Hugh Dancy and Claire Danes in J. Mendel

I don't have much to say about this couple. They are simply and elegantly put together. I love the blue clutch against the white!

January Jones in Versace

Bright yellow, corset, peplum, black insets, bold jewellery.... Choose one, January, Please, just choose one! Her hair and make-up are stunning though!

Jessica Alba in Michael Kors

I love this gorgeous metallic gown! Jessica pulls it off beautifully! I would have preferred a lighter eye to go with the dark lip though.

Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough

Julianne's gown is by Carolina Herrera and it's gorgeous! Not a fan of the beach-babe hair though!

Jessica Biel in Prada and Justin Timberlake in Tom Ford

I don't know how I feel about this dress. It's too long for a short dress and, obviously, too short for a long dress. I'm not a fan of the deep vee. But I like the print on it. Her fringe is just way too long. I hate a fringe that touches the eyelashes. Surely the future Mrs Timberlake could bring some SexyBack!!

Kanye West

Kim Kardashian's new boyfriend looks rather good on the red carpet.

Karolina Kurkova in Rachel Zoe

This looks like it was taken from the fashion archives of Dynasty with those fierce shoulders, long sleeves, all-out goldness and headband. I can totally see Joan Collins wearing this! Here is the back of the gown:

Even the bare, sexy back take the Dynasty-Joan-Collins feel away from this gown. Sorry, but it's a thumbs down from me.

Kate Bosworth

I like the feathered cocktail dress, with the red on the top. It's very sexy. But that severely pulled-back do is doing this super-skinny girl no favours. Someone loosen her hair! And at the same time, give her a burger!!

Kate Upton

So this is what she looks like with clothes on!!! I like the gown, but the hair could have matched the old-Hollywood glamour of the make-up. And I'm not a fan of the over-dark brows, especially when the lips are a birght red like this.

Katharine McPhee in Elie Saab

Gorgeous pop of orange on the red carpet. I love it!!!

Kristen Stewart in Balenciaga

I don't know what Kristen Stewart was smoking when she looked in the mirror and decided that she looked good. A geometric animal print, plus colour-blocking, and then those hideous white sandals.... I'm not even going to launch into the mess that it her hair!

Lana Del Rey in Jospeh Altuzarra

This is a stunning combination of metallic and gothic, with the sparkling gown, black cape and dark lips. I love her hair, those classic old-Hollywood curls that remind me of Veronica Lake. I love this!

Lea Michele

I love this navy gown. She's young enough to pull off the deep vee.

Leighton Meester in Marchesa

I love this gown, I really do. It's floaty and ethereal. Leighton almost gets it right by pairing a bold, dark red lip with this gown, but there's a bit too much orange happening in the face. I've seen other photos and she looks decidedly less orange. So it must be the lights...

Lily Collins in Valentino

This gown washes this poor girl out. I know she played Snow White in Mirror Mirror, but that role is now over, sweetie. She needs to add a bit of colour!

Linda Evangelista

How does one of the original supermodels dress? Like a supermodel, obviously! Simple and elegant always works!

Liv Tyler in Givenchy

Yes. I do like this.

Marion Cotillard in Dior

I like the bustier of this dress, but not the sheer skirt. It just doesn't work.

Milla Jovovich in Marc Jacobs

Depite the fact that this has a tassled skirt, I like it. It works on her and has a bit of 1920's flapper style to it.

Nina Dobrev in Donna Karen

I love this black and gold gown by the New York designer. It's simple and extravagent at the same time!

Renee Zellweger in Pucci

This gown is gorgeous!!! Now someone give her a burger!!!

Rihanna in Tom Ford

I love this crocodile applique gown by Tom Ford, who happens to be one of my favourite designers! And it's so nice to see Rihanna dressed for a change!

Roasrio Dawson in Calvin Klein

I love this black, leather gown! And only Roasrio can pull it off! Amazing!!!

Sarah Jessica Parker in Valentino

SJP is supposed to be a fashion icon, representing New York specifically. So why she decided to wear grandma's old summer curtains, I will never know. This is fashion's biggest night, so dress like it!

Scarlett Johansson in Dolce and Gabanna

I love this gown. It has the right balance of embellishments and floatiness. I just with that Scarlett had done something with her hair!

Shailene Woodley

What was she thinking????? She has obviously not learnt anything since the Oscars!

Sophia Vergara in Marchesa

I don't know if she wears the same gown to every red carpet or if she just makes each gown looke the same. Plus side... I love her bracelt.