Ten Months

It has been ten months since the break-up and the miscarriage... Ten months since I felt as though my world had fallen apart.

I can honestly say that I'm better off now. I'm happier, I'm healthier, I'm calmer. Yes, I still have moments when the memory of the pain comes back to me and I feel it in all it's glory again, but those moments are few and far between. For the most part I am content with my life. It's not a very exciting life, but it's mine. All mine. I don't need to make excuses for him and his behaviour any more. I live strictly on my terms and that's cool. And yes, I do miss being in a relationship. I miss the companionship. But I'd rather be alone and happy than in a miserable relationship.

Sometimes I think about what I would be doing, how I would be feeling if I were with him still. I know that I would be miserable. I know that I would be broke. I know that I would be in a terrible place. That's what gets me through the bad days.... The thought that it could have all turned out a lot worse. Count my blessings? Yes. Every day!

So on Saturday I am going shopping in Sandton. I need an outfit for our formal HR dinner at the end of the month. I have just decided that I am going to spoil myself silly. I am going to buy myself a killer outfit for that dinner and... what the hell, I'll get a few more awesome goodies for every day as well. Yeah.

My back pain is getting better, It just hurts if I'm sitting or standing for too long, or if the bus driver decides to take a bump at high speed. Less painkillers means that I can get more work done! I spent yesterday at the office in a fuzzy haze. I couldn't concentrate at all! But today I haven't even taken anything yet, so I'm happy about that!