I struggled waking up this morning... I just wanted 5 more minutes... About 20 times over! We went out for dinner last night. Half price pizzas at Pascali's! It was just too delicious! And when I got back home, I was just so tired that I showered and went to bed. I tried to read a little before going to sleep, but I think I managed to read half a page before I realised that my eyes would not be staying open. And so, I slept...
And yes, this morning was one hell of a struggle to get up.
I've arrived at work already feeling exhausted. It feels as though I haven't had a holiday in years.... December feels so far away!!! And there's so much work that needs to get done.... Why? Why? Why?
We moved to the 10th floor a few weeks ago, and today, the big boss has also finally moved. So he is sitting practically behind me, which makes me very nervous. I'm always nervous to have my back facing an entrance or an open area (cave-man instinct, I guess) but to have a boss-person sitting behind me... No.... That's not cool at all.
I have made a decision regarding the Advocate. I will not be afraid. I will ask him what he wants from me. I need a definition as to waht we are. Boyfriend-girlfriend? Friends with benefits? If he says he wants a relationship, I will set down my requirements. Friends with benefits, I will not do. It's pretty simple and I won't be accepting any complicated answers.
And now, I think I will organise some breakfast for myself. Then I'll be able to get into the work thing.
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Monday 30 January 2012
Barenaked Ladies - If I had a $1,000,000
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.
If I Had $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000
Maybe we could put put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
([Talking:] We could just go up there and hang out.
Like open the fridge and stuff, and there'd be foods laid out for us
With little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmmmm.
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon.
Well can you blame them. Yeah)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more.
And buy really expensive ketchup with it.
That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
I'd be rich.
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.
If I Had $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000
Maybe we could put put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
([Talking:] We could just go up there and hang out.
Like open the fridge and stuff, and there'd be foods laid out for us
With little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmmmm.
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon.
Well can you blame them. Yeah)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more.
And buy really expensive ketchup with it.
That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
I'd be rich.
Quote of the Day
We are all a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
- Author Unknown
Back to Work, Back to Reality...
It was a very eventful weekend. On Friday afternoon, Susi and I went to The Baron in Sandton for after-work drinks. I invited the Advocate but he was in Pretoria with his family. It's strange how that happens.... When I'm hanging out in Joburg, he's in Pretoria and vice versa. I really wanted to see him and I smsed him, saying how he was missing out and he invited me go swing by where he was on my way home. I was going to leave Joburg early anyway, and so I did. He was at Pretoria Old Boys Cricket Club, at the clubhouse there. So I showed up and he called me his wife.... Ummmmm.... Ok?
I was supposed to be home early that night because I had to go to the airport on Saturday morning to fetch my dad. The Advocate convinced me to stay a while and when I wanted to leave, at about 2am, the gates were locked and there was no way to get out. So I had to stay the night. Needless to say, I didn't go to the airport. At the last minute, I called my sister to go for me. It was 6am, the gates were still locked and I had no idea how long it would be until they were opened. Luckily, the security guard was up and about already and he let me out. I got home as my sister was leaving for the airport, but I desperately needed a shower and some more sleep.
I spent most of Saturday just chilling at home, sleeping as much as I could. On Saturday evening, I went off to Dee's house for her birthday braai and I had a great time there. Met some very cool people and talked a lot! The awesome thing is that I was told that I'm looking fantastic and that made me feel great! I was a little scared because when I arrived, Dee told me that the ex was in the complex visiting a friend. It was decided that if he showed up there, we were going to kick his ass and tell him to leave. There was no way he was going to ruin the party! Luckily for him, he didn't show his face.
I got home at a very respectable hour on Saturday night, just after midnight. And then I slept!!!
Sunday was another chilled day. I went for lunch with my folks and then I did a spot of shopping. Three very nice tops.... Happiness!!!
The lesson I learned this weekend is this: If you're walking across a cricket field in the middle of the night with a guy you like a lot and he pulls you down to lie on the grass and have a snogging-session, remember that you are highly allergic to grass before your arms and back start burning! It's not a good feeling and you will not be able to sleep the entire night because of the burning itch. And you'll feel like you've been sunburnt for days afterwards. And the accompanying welts on your arms and back are not pretty.
Just saying.
I was supposed to be home early that night because I had to go to the airport on Saturday morning to fetch my dad. The Advocate convinced me to stay a while and when I wanted to leave, at about 2am, the gates were locked and there was no way to get out. So I had to stay the night. Needless to say, I didn't go to the airport. At the last minute, I called my sister to go for me. It was 6am, the gates were still locked and I had no idea how long it would be until they were opened. Luckily, the security guard was up and about already and he let me out. I got home as my sister was leaving for the airport, but I desperately needed a shower and some more sleep.
I spent most of Saturday just chilling at home, sleeping as much as I could. On Saturday evening, I went off to Dee's house for her birthday braai and I had a great time there. Met some very cool people and talked a lot! The awesome thing is that I was told that I'm looking fantastic and that made me feel great! I was a little scared because when I arrived, Dee told me that the ex was in the complex visiting a friend. It was decided that if he showed up there, we were going to kick his ass and tell him to leave. There was no way he was going to ruin the party! Luckily for him, he didn't show his face.
I got home at a very respectable hour on Saturday night, just after midnight. And then I slept!!!
Sunday was another chilled day. I went for lunch with my folks and then I did a spot of shopping. Three very nice tops.... Happiness!!!
The lesson I learned this weekend is this: If you're walking across a cricket field in the middle of the night with a guy you like a lot and he pulls you down to lie on the grass and have a snogging-session, remember that you are highly allergic to grass before your arms and back start burning! It's not a good feeling and you will not be able to sleep the entire night because of the burning itch. And you'll feel like you've been sunburnt for days afterwards. And the accompanying welts on your arms and back are not pretty.
Just saying.
Friday 27 January 2012
TLC - No Scrubs
A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)
I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time and (no)
[Chorus:]
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me
But a scrub is checkin' me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I'm lookin' like class and he's lookin' like trash
Can't get wit' no deadbeat ass
So (no)
I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time (no)
[Chorus]
If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don't want no (oh)
No scrub
No scrub (no no)
No scrub (no no no no no)
No scrub (no no)
No
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)
I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time and (no)
[Chorus:]
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me
I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me
But a scrub is checkin' me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I'm lookin' like class and he's lookin' like trash
Can't get wit' no deadbeat ass
So (no)
I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time (no)
[Chorus]
If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don't want no (oh)
No scrub
No scrub (no no)
No scrub (no no no no no)
No scrub (no no)
No
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Chorus]
Closure...
I met with the ex last night. It was not something I wanted to do. It was something I needed to do to get the closure I so needed.
I asked him why he had emailed me and I told him that even though I accept his apology (in general), it’s come a little too late and that there are certain things that I will never forgive him for. I told him that I blamed him, in part, for the miscarriage. And that I would never stop blaming him for abandoning his child, and even though I can forgive him for abandoning me, I would never forget it. I told him that before that email, I was doing fine and that it had dragged up so many feelings that I had already dealt with.
He just sat there and took all of it.
I would have carried on, but I told him that there was no point because I had dealt with those feeling months ago, on my own. I kept stressing that I dealt with so much ON MY OWN. He told me that if I ever want to shout at him for what had happened, he would take it because he deserved it all. I told him that I didn’t want to shout at him, that I had cried enough tears over him and that I was done with that and with him. I told him that it was highly unlikely that I would ever see him again because I don’t want to drag up all of those feelings any more. I told him that I wanted a life where I was indifferent to him, where I didn’t care how he was, where he was or what he was doing. I told him that he doesn’t deserve my hatred... I don’t want him in my head any more. And for me to truly and honestly not care about him, I can’t hate him. Hating him means that I still have feelings for him.
In his email he had said that I was, and always would be, important to him but I said that I had never felt important, that I had made him my priority and that I had never felt as though I was his priority. I told him that I was concentrating on living my life without him, that what we had and what happened was a lesson that I learnt ON MY OWN.
I guess he wants to feel bad about what happened because he kept saying that he deserved to hear what I had told him, that he deserved to be hurt by my words. If that’s his way with dealing with things, fine, but he mustn’t expect me to feed his need.
Then, when I got home, he sent me the following sms: “I’m not worthy of even your vilest blackest hate. Thank you for being so unexpectedly civil. If anything it drives home the insurmountable scale of my loss due to my unforgivable selfishness”
I didn’t reply. He doesn’t deserve any more of my time.
Thursday 26 January 2012
Nerves and Stress
I am stressed about work.
I am nervous about tonight.
Part of me just wants to get it over and done with.
Another part of me hopes that he'll cancel.
So we'll see how it all plays out....
I am nervous about tonight.
Part of me just wants to get it over and done with.
Another part of me hopes that he'll cancel.
So we'll see how it all plays out....
Past and Present.....
Interesting mini-events in the last 18 hours....
I was on the train yesterday afternoon, a little tired and a little bored. Nearing Centurion, the train goes right along the highway and I always like watching the cars. Yesterday, I was doing just that when all of a sudden, my stomach did a flip. I saw the ex, driving on the highway. And he glanced at the train a couple of times. I had a minor freak-out and wanted to hide! I've also looked at the Gautrain while on the highway, and you can see people, but I don't think you could recognise anyone. So I don't think he saw me, but it still left me very nervous.
After calming down, I realised that it could have been a sign. I think the sign was telling me to get in touch with the ex to go for that drink and to tell him what I need to tell him and finally get the closure I need. So I sent him an sms asking if he was free and if he wanted to get a beer. He didn't reply for ages, but when he finally did, he said that he was busy but asked if Thursday (today) was good for me. I replied yes. And so we are meeting tonight to have a drink. And to get closure. I'm a little nervous. All I know is that I have to look hot. To show him what he's missing.
The rest of my evening was rather uneventful. Dinner, Masterchef: The Professionals, shower and bed.
I woke up this morning and saw an sms... From the Advocate. Two words: Coming over? At 11pm last night. Can anyone say BOOTY CALL?????
I only replied when I got to the office, telling him that I was already fast asleep at that time and that I had only seen his message when I woke up this morning. He replied, asking if I wanted to go to his place tonight. I said that I have plans. Which I do. With the ex.
I know. Strange.
So the Advocate replies saying that we'll see each other next week. Ummmm... Ok.
So I've come to the conclusion that men are fucking complicated and that they don't really know what they want. Look at the ex.... First he pushes me away, treats me like shit for most of our relationship and lets me walk out of our life. Then, almost seven months later, he wants to hang out and be friends???? And the Advocate..... Says all the right things. Tells me that he likes me a lot. And is all cutesy for a few days. Then disappears. Then sends me a booty call sms. Doesn't try to convince me to go to him when I tell him I have other plans. Doesn't ask if he can see me on the weekend. Says we'll see each other next week. Confusing!!!!
Why do men not work at getting what they want? Why do they do the disappearing act???
Ugh...
I was on the train yesterday afternoon, a little tired and a little bored. Nearing Centurion, the train goes right along the highway and I always like watching the cars. Yesterday, I was doing just that when all of a sudden, my stomach did a flip. I saw the ex, driving on the highway. And he glanced at the train a couple of times. I had a minor freak-out and wanted to hide! I've also looked at the Gautrain while on the highway, and you can see people, but I don't think you could recognise anyone. So I don't think he saw me, but it still left me very nervous.
After calming down, I realised that it could have been a sign. I think the sign was telling me to get in touch with the ex to go for that drink and to tell him what I need to tell him and finally get the closure I need. So I sent him an sms asking if he was free and if he wanted to get a beer. He didn't reply for ages, but when he finally did, he said that he was busy but asked if Thursday (today) was good for me. I replied yes. And so we are meeting tonight to have a drink. And to get closure. I'm a little nervous. All I know is that I have to look hot. To show him what he's missing.
The rest of my evening was rather uneventful. Dinner, Masterchef: The Professionals, shower and bed.
I woke up this morning and saw an sms... From the Advocate. Two words: Coming over? At 11pm last night. Can anyone say BOOTY CALL?????
I only replied when I got to the office, telling him that I was already fast asleep at that time and that I had only seen his message when I woke up this morning. He replied, asking if I wanted to go to his place tonight. I said that I have plans. Which I do. With the ex.
I know. Strange.
So the Advocate replies saying that we'll see each other next week. Ummmm... Ok.
So I've come to the conclusion that men are fucking complicated and that they don't really know what they want. Look at the ex.... First he pushes me away, treats me like shit for most of our relationship and lets me walk out of our life. Then, almost seven months later, he wants to hang out and be friends???? And the Advocate..... Says all the right things. Tells me that he likes me a lot. And is all cutesy for a few days. Then disappears. Then sends me a booty call sms. Doesn't try to convince me to go to him when I tell him I have other plans. Doesn't ask if he can see me on the weekend. Says we'll see each other next week. Confusing!!!!
Why do men not work at getting what they want? Why do they do the disappearing act???
Ugh...
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis - Cruisin' (from the movie Duets)
Baby let's cruise, away from here
Don't be confused, the way is clear
& if you want it you got it forever
This is not a one night stand, baby, yeah so
Let the music take your mind, ooh
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Baby tonight belongs to us
Everything's right, do what you must
& inch by inch we get closer & closer
To every little part of each other ooh baby, yeah So
Let the music take your mind
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Cruise with me baby
Cruise
Baby let's cruise
Let's flow, let's glide
Ooooh let's open up, & go inside
& if you want it you got it forever
I can just stay there inside you
& love you baby,
Let the music, take your mind
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly (away)
Yeah, I'm glad you're going my way
I love it, when we're cruisin together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for (love)
I love it, I love it, I love it
You're gonna fly away
Yeah, glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
(The music is played for love)
It's love music
(Cruisin' is made for love)
...& fade
Don't be confused, the way is clear
& if you want it you got it forever
This is not a one night stand, baby, yeah so
Let the music take your mind, ooh
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Baby tonight belongs to us
Everything's right, do what you must
& inch by inch we get closer & closer
To every little part of each other ooh baby, yeah So
Let the music take your mind
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Cruise with me baby
Cruise
Baby let's cruise
Let's flow, let's glide
Ooooh let's open up, & go inside
& if you want it you got it forever
I can just stay there inside you
& love you baby,
Let the music, take your mind
Just release & you will find
You're gonna fly (away)
Yeah, I'm glad you're going my way
I love it, when we're cruisin together
The music is played for love,
Cruisin' is made for (love)
I love it, I love it, I love it
You're gonna fly away
Yeah, glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
(The music is played for love)
It's love music
(Cruisin' is made for love)
...& fade
Mid-week!
Wednesday.... The weekend is so close, I can smell it!
My back and neck are still killing me.... I think it has a lot to do with the state of my pillows and mattress. So I've decided that I will spend my bonus on a new mattress and some good quality pillows. And if I have enough, I'll get myself a feather duvet too. And then I'll have a super-awesome bed and I'll spend the first weekend that I have my super-awesome bed in it! Yes. That's most definately a plan!
Today is the Adovcate's daughter's second birthday, so I sent him an sms to say happy birthday to the little one. Because I'm nice. He replied, thanking me, but that's it. Hmph...
Today is also the ex's payday and he had said that we would meet for coffee or a drink after he got paid. I seriously doubt that he'll follow through on that. That's his way. Make promises and never follow through. What a fucking loser.
I have quite a busy weekend ahead of me. My dad is arriving back from Chile on Saturday morning. His flight lands at the crack of dawn and I'm taking my mom to the airport. Then in the evening, it's Miss Dee's birthday braai, so I'll have to go to the shops to get some meat and wine for that. And I think I should get a nap at some stage before going, otherwise it's going to be a very early night for me!
I'm thinking of chopping off some of my hair again. It's getting too long again and it's irritating me. So I might have a go at it on Sunday. Yes, I cut my own hair. And it looks just fine.
Right, so I have work to do, and as usual, I am not in the mood to do it. I'll see how it goes today...
My back and neck are still killing me.... I think it has a lot to do with the state of my pillows and mattress. So I've decided that I will spend my bonus on a new mattress and some good quality pillows. And if I have enough, I'll get myself a feather duvet too. And then I'll have a super-awesome bed and I'll spend the first weekend that I have my super-awesome bed in it! Yes. That's most definately a plan!
Today is the Adovcate's daughter's second birthday, so I sent him an sms to say happy birthday to the little one. Because I'm nice. He replied, thanking me, but that's it. Hmph...
Today is also the ex's payday and he had said that we would meet for coffee or a drink after he got paid. I seriously doubt that he'll follow through on that. That's his way. Make promises and never follow through. What a fucking loser.
I have quite a busy weekend ahead of me. My dad is arriving back from Chile on Saturday morning. His flight lands at the crack of dawn and I'm taking my mom to the airport. Then in the evening, it's Miss Dee's birthday braai, so I'll have to go to the shops to get some meat and wine for that. And I think I should get a nap at some stage before going, otherwise it's going to be a very early night for me!
I'm thinking of chopping off some of my hair again. It's getting too long again and it's irritating me. So I might have a go at it on Sunday. Yes, I cut my own hair. And it looks just fine.
Right, so I have work to do, and as usual, I am not in the mood to do it. I'll see how it goes today...
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Eminem - Love The Way You Lie (featuring Rihanna)
Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that's the culprit controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
Chorus - Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that's the culprit controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Eminem:
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
Chorus - Rihanna:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
It's Only Tuesday???
I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder and rain pouring down. It was so nice and I snuggled deeper into my bed. I thought it was about 2 in the morning, so I was shocked when my first alarm went off, meaning that it was already 4:30 and that I would have to get up soon. I snoozed a little but got up earlier than what I usually do and I was on the road by 5:30. I figured it would be smart to leave for work early (and in the car as opposed to the train) because I would have time to deal with whatever madness the traffic would bring. Luckily, it only took me an hour to get to work, so I've been here for an hour and a half already. At least that means that I can leave early this afternoon.
My mom, sister and I went out for pizza last night and it was lovely. I even have some left over pizza for lunch today... Can't wait!
I still haven't heard from the Advocate and I'm seriously thinking that I may have made a mistake in hooking up with him. Live and learn, I guess.
Today I have to do some work. I've been putting it off long enough and I have deadlines looming. I just don't feel like doing anything. It's so difficult for me to get into the swing of things lately. I don't know if I'm depressed, demotivated or if I'm just bored of my job. I've been doing it for two years and it's not that much of a challenge any more. Oh well...
I think it's time for another cup of tea and then I need to do whatever I have to do to get some focus and actually accomplish something today.
At least it will take my mind off the negative thoughts I've been having the last few days.
My mom, sister and I went out for pizza last night and it was lovely. I even have some left over pizza for lunch today... Can't wait!
I still haven't heard from the Advocate and I'm seriously thinking that I may have made a mistake in hooking up with him. Live and learn, I guess.
Today I have to do some work. I've been putting it off long enough and I have deadlines looming. I just don't feel like doing anything. It's so difficult for me to get into the swing of things lately. I don't know if I'm depressed, demotivated or if I'm just bored of my job. I've been doing it for two years and it's not that much of a challenge any more. Oh well...
I think it's time for another cup of tea and then I need to do whatever I have to do to get some focus and actually accomplish something today.
At least it will take my mind off the negative thoughts I've been having the last few days.
Monday 23 January 2012
Quote of the Day
Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.
- Kahlil Gibran
Another Thing...
.... my nails.
They are a mess.
I think that the stress of the last 6 months is finally growing out. My nails are brittle and weak. If I scratch, they split. It's so annoying.
I've bought my self some nail hardener, so I'm hoping it works. It had better work... That shit's expensive!
Oh and one more thing...
Leggings...
I love them and hate them at the same time.
I love them because they're convenient and comfortable.
But I hate them because they ride down in the crotch area. So uncomfortable.
And the waistband is very high, which is fine if it holds my tummy in a bit. Except that it rolls down when I'm sitting at my desk. Grrrrr.....
GRRRRRRRR.....
And have I mentioned that my hair looks like shit today???? Yeah.
Humidity.
I fucking love it.
They are a mess.
I think that the stress of the last 6 months is finally growing out. My nails are brittle and weak. If I scratch, they split. It's so annoying.
I've bought my self some nail hardener, so I'm hoping it works. It had better work... That shit's expensive!
Oh and one more thing...
Leggings...
I love them and hate them at the same time.
I love them because they're convenient and comfortable.
But I hate them because they ride down in the crotch area. So uncomfortable.
And the waistband is very high, which is fine if it holds my tummy in a bit. Except that it rolls down when I'm sitting at my desk. Grrrrr.....
GRRRRRRRR.....
And have I mentioned that my hair looks like shit today???? Yeah.
Humidity.
I fucking love it.
A Case of the Mondays...
I woke up this morning in the mood for nothing... Didn't want to wake up. Didn't want to get dressed. Didn't want to go to work. Didn't want to have to talk to anyone.
But despite all of that, here I am at work.
The weather sucks today. It's humid, looks like it's going to rain and it's made my hair go frizzy.
I have what looks like a spider bite on my ankle and it's itchy and sore.
I have a bit of a cold. My nose is runny, I have a headache and a bit of a cough.
My back is stiff and so is my neck.
I'm pissed off at the non-events of the weekend. I wanted to go to the Bohemian on Saturday night to go check out a couple of bands but I had heard that the ex was going, so I stayed home. I wanted to see the Advocate but he was working all weekend and he didn't even bother to call or send me an sms or anything. That leaves me wondering what the hell is going on. Am I his fuck buddy? Because if that's the case, I want no part of it. I spent three and a half years being no one's top priority, not even my own. I feel that I could, at best, be the Advocate's number three, after his daughter and his work. I can't do that. I need attention. I need to be made to feel special. I have some serious thinking to do.
I spent all of Sunday afternoon watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I know.... Shitty, trashy, mindless TV. I didn't even feel like watching the cricket.
I have a ton of work to do. I have the induction programme to sort out and I have to do my portfolio of evidence for my Assessor and Moderator course. Both of them are due for the end of February. I don't care about them at the moment. I don't care about anything.
It's been a long time since I've felt so down.
I fucking hate it.
But despite all of that, here I am at work.
The weather sucks today. It's humid, looks like it's going to rain and it's made my hair go frizzy.
I have what looks like a spider bite on my ankle and it's itchy and sore.
I have a bit of a cold. My nose is runny, I have a headache and a bit of a cough.
My back is stiff and so is my neck.
I'm pissed off at the non-events of the weekend. I wanted to go to the Bohemian on Saturday night to go check out a couple of bands but I had heard that the ex was going, so I stayed home. I wanted to see the Advocate but he was working all weekend and he didn't even bother to call or send me an sms or anything. That leaves me wondering what the hell is going on. Am I his fuck buddy? Because if that's the case, I want no part of it. I spent three and a half years being no one's top priority, not even my own. I feel that I could, at best, be the Advocate's number three, after his daughter and his work. I can't do that. I need attention. I need to be made to feel special. I have some serious thinking to do.
I spent all of Sunday afternoon watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I know.... Shitty, trashy, mindless TV. I didn't even feel like watching the cricket.
I have a ton of work to do. I have the induction programme to sort out and I have to do my portfolio of evidence for my Assessor and Moderator course. Both of them are due for the end of February. I don't care about them at the moment. I don't care about anything.
It's been a long time since I've felt so down.
I fucking hate it.
Thursday 19 January 2012
Want ALL the cute things!!!!
Some black tissues for when you're feeling VERY depressed
Because kitties are awesome
Yummy!!!!
The "blood spatter" only shows when the mug is hot!!!
You can cuddle with each one of the five boroughs of New York!
Bag by Kate Spade.... Must eat cake for breakfast!!!
I must have this!!! Even if it means being a fat-ass!!!
Perhaps a cute wedding gift for a whiskey-drinking couple...
I want these decorations for my tree for Christmas 2012!!
Nutella-filled strawberries, you say?? Yes please!!!
You see? Penguins CAN fly!!!
I don't play Miss Fix-It because I don't have one of these....
The mug wakes up as it gets hot from the coffee... Just like me!!
Cutest. Glasses. Ever.
Cupcake-shaped salt and pepper shakers.... Kinda messes with my brain!
Swiss Army Measuring Spoons...
Winter-themed cupcakes.... Absolutely beautiful!!!
Quote of the Day
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires,
a touch that never hurts.
- Charles Dickens
Painful Thursday
The period started last night and I am feeling very uncomfortable today. My back and tummy are very sore, I have a headache and my neck hurts from sleeping so heavily last night. I am a right mess!
The Advocate is keeping in touch with me, which is really nice. It makes me happy.
At the moment, I am looking forward to getting out of the office at the end of the day, and then I'm looking forward to the weekend so I can chill. Maybe I will see the Advocate. It would be very nice.
The Advocate is keeping in touch with me, which is really nice. It makes me happy.
At the moment, I am looking forward to getting out of the office at the end of the day, and then I'm looking forward to the weekend so I can chill. Maybe I will see the Advocate. It would be very nice.
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Happy Hump Day!
It's Wednesday and we're halfway to the weekend and payday!!! Yay!!!
I was really exhausted by the time I got home yesterday afternoon and I had a really good sleep. Woke up, had some dinner, watched some TV and then more sleep. It was awesome. I don't think I even moved while sleeping last night! My bed was still pretty tidy when I woke up this morning.
I'm listening to Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song and it totally suits my mood at the moment. Today I really don't feel like doing anything!!!
I hope the day goes by quickly!!!
I was really exhausted by the time I got home yesterday afternoon and I had a really good sleep. Woke up, had some dinner, watched some TV and then more sleep. It was awesome. I don't think I even moved while sleeping last night! My bed was still pretty tidy when I woke up this morning.
I'm listening to Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song and it totally suits my mood at the moment. Today I really don't feel like doing anything!!!
I hope the day goes by quickly!!!
Tuesday 17 January 2012
Silly Grins...
So last night was very interesting and lots of fun.... I spent the night at the Advocate's house. We had a little braai, just the two of us, we talked and had a lot of naughtyfun.
It really took my mind off the ex and his nonsense. But then his ex called and tried to create drama, and I felt very uncomfortable. But the Advocate was cool, told me that it;s normal, that she's just looking for attention.
It was good to spend time with him. It got me feeling the way I felt before the ex sent his stupid email. I'm getting on with my life, moving on and working on being the best, happiest me that I can be. His email opened up a lot of old wounds, brought all the emotions to the surface again and I resent him for that.
Dee told me that she saw him recently and that he looks like shit. I feel and look great and I'm glad that all of this has made me stronger and more awesome, while he suffers the consequences of his actions. It's something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life.
There are a few things that I'll never forgive him for doing.... One is turning his back on his unborn child. I've forgiven him for turning his back on me, but I'll never forgive him for rejecting his own flesh and blood. And secondly, I will never forgive him for shutting me out so completely and not even trying to work on our relationship after I lost the baby and I asked him to give it a try. It probable that it wouldn't have worked out, but at least I was willing to try.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
On the happy side of things, I have a very silly grin on my face because I am very happy. I like the Advocate. I like him a lot.
It really took my mind off the ex and his nonsense. But then his ex called and tried to create drama, and I felt very uncomfortable. But the Advocate was cool, told me that it;s normal, that she's just looking for attention.
It was good to spend time with him. It got me feeling the way I felt before the ex sent his stupid email. I'm getting on with my life, moving on and working on being the best, happiest me that I can be. His email opened up a lot of old wounds, brought all the emotions to the surface again and I resent him for that.
Dee told me that she saw him recently and that he looks like shit. I feel and look great and I'm glad that all of this has made me stronger and more awesome, while he suffers the consequences of his actions. It's something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life.
There are a few things that I'll never forgive him for doing.... One is turning his back on his unborn child. I've forgiven him for turning his back on me, but I'll never forgive him for rejecting his own flesh and blood. And secondly, I will never forgive him for shutting me out so completely and not even trying to work on our relationship after I lost the baby and I asked him to give it a try. It probable that it wouldn't have worked out, but at least I was willing to try.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
On the happy side of things, I have a very silly grin on my face because I am very happy. I like the Advocate. I like him a lot.
Monday 16 January 2012
Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (featuring Kimbra)
[Gotye:]Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know) [x2]
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know) [x2]
Little Things We Should All Appreciate
- Solving a long math problem correctly
- Sleeping in your own bed after being away
- Waking up and not being tired
- Being lifted off the ground during a hug
- Songs that match your mood
- When the lights start to dim before a movie
- Knowing all the words to a song
- Walking barefoot on grass
- Stapling a finished essay together
- The moment when you find a comfortable sleeping position
- The excitement of your pets when you come home
- The first day wearing shorts after winter
- A warm towel after a shower
- When people enjoy the food you make
- The first drop on a rollercoaster ride
- Actually finishing a whole tube of chapstick (or pot of Zambuk)
- The first bite of a slice of pizza
- Surprisong people with a talent they never knew you had
- Twisting the lid off a jar when no one else was able to
- The fresh feeling after brushing your teeth
- Saturday morning cartoons
- Perfectly peeling off a price sticker
- The first shower after a haircut
- The first time a person says your name
- When you catch someone cute staring at you
- Compliments even when you look a mess
- When people take car of you when you're sick
- Walking into class and seeing a substitute teacher
- The feeling after finishing an oral presentation
- Watching a new episode of your favourite TV show
- When you catch something that was thrown to you from far
- When someone is excited to see you
- When your turn signal goes along with the music you're listening to
- When other families treat you like a member
- Questions in a test that give away the answer to others
- Waking up and realising that your bad dream wasn't real
- Getting your hair washed at the salon
- When the last item at the store is in your size
- The first bite of food when you're really hungry
- Being told that you made someone's day
- Wearing new clothes for the first time
- The brief moment of silence when you drive under a bridge on a rainy day
- Not wearing make-up and being able to rub your eyes
- Fianlly laughing after having to hold it in
- When the vending machine gives you more than what you paid for (or extra change!)
- When someone texts you back instantly
- The moment you realise your hiccups are gone
- Feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin
- Flipping to a new month on your calendar
- Accomplishing something before the microwave beeps
- Walking through puddles in rain boots
- Re-reading old conversations
- Catching something before it hits the ground
- When one of your favourite movies is on TV
- Finding out that someone does the same weird thing that you do
- Watching someone you love sleep
- When you see your food coming at a restaurant
- Logging onto Facebook on your birthday
- Finding out that something is cheaper than what you though it was
- Feeling accomplished at the end of the day
- Seeing bus drivers wave at each other
- Hearing someone refer to them as their friend for the first time
- Rapping an entire part of a song perfectly
- The tininess of baby clothes and shoes
- Falling asleep on the couch and waking up with a blanket over you
- A scent that reminds you of a good memory
- The feeling after sneezing
- When someone saves you a seat
- When the traffic light turns green before you start to brake
- When the deadline for a project is extended
- Being the first in the audience to applaud
- Peeling an orange in one piece
- When your favourite artist releases a new album
A Weekend of Thinking...
After receiving that email from the ex on Friday, I was not in a good place. I thought about what he said all weekend and wondered what brought this about. For the longest time, he showed no emotion whatsoever and suddenly he tells me that he's sorry, that he misses me and that I'm still very improtant to him? I don't get it. Why was I not important to him when I needed him? Would he have sent that email if I had still been pregnant?
I am so scared of being hurt that I doubt everything he says. If he had said all of this to me six months ago, I would have believed that we could have a chance. But it's too late now. I want to see him and tell him, face to face, that I don't miss him, that I can't forgive him for what he did to me and our baby and that it's highly unlikely that we could ever be friends.
He chose not to be there for me when I needed him, and now, I simply can't be there for him.
I have been through hell and I am finally getting back to a good place. I can't do it again.
I am so scared of being hurt that I doubt everything he says. If he had said all of this to me six months ago, I would have believed that we could have a chance. But it's too late now. I want to see him and tell him, face to face, that I don't miss him, that I can't forgive him for what he did to me and our baby and that it's highly unlikely that we could ever be friends.
He chose not to be there for me when I needed him, and now, I simply can't be there for him.
I have been through hell and I am finally getting back to a good place. I can't do it again.
Friday 13 January 2012
Back at Home...
After spending two nights at Olwazini, I am back home. It was a very good trip. We have our strategy for 2012 pretty much all sorted out and we have plenty of projects in the works. In fact, other than my POE, I have another project due for the end of February, so I really have my work cut out for me. But it's going to be good!!!
So this afternoon, I checked my email and there was a mail from the ex there. He said that he missed me, that he would like to see me, that I would always be important to him. He said that he was sorry for everything and that he didn't expect me to fogive him.
I haven't replied yet. I don't know what to reply. I mean, this is what I wanted him to say.... Six months ago. I would have gone running back to him six months ago. But now? I don't think so.
I would like to see him for some closure. And I know it won't be easy. But I need to. I just never thought that it would come from him.
I'm confused.
So this afternoon, I checked my email and there was a mail from the ex there. He said that he missed me, that he would like to see me, that I would always be important to him. He said that he was sorry for everything and that he didn't expect me to fogive him.
I haven't replied yet. I don't know what to reply. I mean, this is what I wanted him to say.... Six months ago. I would have gone running back to him six months ago. But now? I don't think so.
I would like to see him for some closure. And I know it won't be easy. But I need to. I just never thought that it would come from him.
I'm confused.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Quote of the Day
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.
- Lois Wyse
Transportation Hassles
The Gautrain bus drivers are on a go-slow since yesterday. I'm not sure why they are doing this, but they are disrupting the bus service, causing people to be late for work, and making the entire system look bad. There were no busses yesterday morning and I ended up getting a lift to the Hatfield station from a guy who had called his wife to come fetch him. By the time I got to Rosebank, the busses were fine. This morning, my dad drove me to the station in Rhodesfield, close to his office, and I got to Rosebank just before 7am. Except that there were no busses there. One of the employees at the station told me that they were supposed to arrive at 6:30 and that they had left the depot, but they were taking their time in arriving. So I phoned Cindz and she agreed to come pick me up. As soon as I made that arrangement with her, the busses starting arriving at the station, but I waited for my lift anyway. I don't see the point in paying for and using a service that is such a mess.
So it's around the time of what would have been my four-year anniversary with the ex and I was quite upset about it yesterday. Part of me wanted him to call me or email me, let me know that he still remembered and that he missed me. But no. It was stupid of me to think that. He doesn't care and the truth is that he never did. When I get back from Olwazini, I will get rid of his stuff. Whether I give it to him (and get closure at the same time) or if I throw it out, burn it or give it to charity. Whatever. The things that I have lying in the back of the car will be gone before this month is done. I don't want to drag it out any more. He might not think about me, but I think about him, especially when I have some of his things still in my possession. Hell, I might even drop it off at his office. I am done with him and everything that has anything to do with him. He has caused me so much pain, and he still manages to get in my head and mess with me. I don't appreciate it at all.
The Advocate got back from his holidays on Sunday and I haven't heard from him. Oh well. I guess it's time to be single and enjoy it.
So it's around the time of what would have been my four-year anniversary with the ex and I was quite upset about it yesterday. Part of me wanted him to call me or email me, let me know that he still remembered and that he missed me. But no. It was stupid of me to think that. He doesn't care and the truth is that he never did. When I get back from Olwazini, I will get rid of his stuff. Whether I give it to him (and get closure at the same time) or if I throw it out, burn it or give it to charity. Whatever. The things that I have lying in the back of the car will be gone before this month is done. I don't want to drag it out any more. He might not think about me, but I think about him, especially when I have some of his things still in my possession. Hell, I might even drop it off at his office. I am done with him and everything that has anything to do with him. He has caused me so much pain, and he still manages to get in my head and mess with me. I don't appreciate it at all.
The Advocate got back from his holidays on Sunday and I haven't heard from him. Oh well. I guess it's time to be single and enjoy it.
Monday 9 January 2012
Quote of the Day
Every day is conquerable by its hours and every hour by its minutes.
- Robert Brault
At Work Once More...
First work Monday of the year.... Gah....
We moved to new office space on Friday, from the 12th floor to the 10th. It all went very smoothly and we have quite a nice set-up going on. We are still in the process of getting settled in.
On Wednesday, our department is going to Olwazini to get to know each other and to know what we are going to do for the year. We're apparently going on a lion walk on Wednesday afternoon and then Thursday night is the big party... Our beginning of the year, teambuilding jol. Apparently there is going to be an open bar... Danger danger!
I'm a little out of sorts today. It would have been my four-year anniversary. The four-year anniversary of the biggest mistake of my life. Oh well.
I'm not in the mood for work. But I must find something to do.
We moved to new office space on Friday, from the 12th floor to the 10th. It all went very smoothly and we have quite a nice set-up going on. We are still in the process of getting settled in.
On Wednesday, our department is going to Olwazini to get to know each other and to know what we are going to do for the year. We're apparently going on a lion walk on Wednesday afternoon and then Thursday night is the big party... Our beginning of the year, teambuilding jol. Apparently there is going to be an open bar... Danger danger!
I'm a little out of sorts today. It would have been my four-year anniversary. The four-year anniversary of the biggest mistake of my life. Oh well.
I'm not in the mood for work. But I must find something to do.
Thursday 5 January 2012
Back to Work: Day 3
Third day back at work and the weekend is close! And for a third day running, I am looking fabulous and getting lots of compliments at work! L even asked if I was dating someone in the building! Ha ha... No!
Yesterday afternoon was rather hectic at the office. I got caught between two parties that do not like each other and because of their issues, I got burned. I've tried so hard to keep myself out of all that nonsense and I was really disappointed that I had been manipulated like that. But I've learned my lesson and from now on, I will just keep my head down and ignore all the politics around me.
The cricket is going along swimmingly and it makes me happy. The only downside of watching it on TV is seeing all those people at Newlands, very obviously still on holiday, chilling in the sun... So jealous!
Next week I will be at Olwazini from Wednesday and it'll be nice to get away from the city for a few days.
On Friday, my dad flies to Chile for two weeks to visit the family and to attend my cousin's wedding.
And now, I need to get through today and tomorrow so that I can enjoy my weekend!
Yesterday afternoon was rather hectic at the office. I got caught between two parties that do not like each other and because of their issues, I got burned. I've tried so hard to keep myself out of all that nonsense and I was really disappointed that I had been manipulated like that. But I've learned my lesson and from now on, I will just keep my head down and ignore all the politics around me.
The cricket is going along swimmingly and it makes me happy. The only downside of watching it on TV is seeing all those people at Newlands, very obviously still on holiday, chilling in the sun... So jealous!
Next week I will be at Olwazini from Wednesday and it'll be nice to get away from the city for a few days.
On Friday, my dad flies to Chile for two weeks to visit the family and to attend my cousin's wedding.
And now, I need to get through today and tomorrow so that I can enjoy my weekend!
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Back at Work: Day 2
I was running on fumes by the time I left the office yesterday. I was completely and utterly exhausted. I had some dinner when I got home (not too much.... got to lose the holiday weight now) and watched some TV with my mom, where I dozed off a bit.
So I figured I'd go to bed and get a whole lot of sleep, right?
Wrong!
It was so hot in my bedroom that I couldn't get comfortable! It took me ages to fall asleep and even then, I had all these weird, heatwave-induced dreams!
So I'm at work, feeling like a zombie again!
But at least I've been told that I look good!
And if I look good despite wanting to take a nap under my desk, I think it's going to be an ok day...
So I figured I'd go to bed and get a whole lot of sleep, right?
Wrong!
It was so hot in my bedroom that I couldn't get comfortable! It took me ages to fall asleep and even then, I had all these weird, heatwave-induced dreams!
So I'm at work, feeling like a zombie again!
But at least I've been told that I look good!
And if I look good despite wanting to take a nap under my desk, I think it's going to be an ok day...
Tuesday 3 January 2012
Back at Work...
I am back at work after a two week break. If there were more people at the office, it would be better, but there are still a lot of people on leave, so it's all very quiet. I struggled to sleep last night. I went to bed early but I wasn't sleepy so I read. I only got a few hours of sleep so now I could close my eyes and drift off. At least I know that I'll fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow tonight and I'll be back to normal tomorrow. So I'm working very hard at keeping my eyes open right now!
We're supposed to be going to Olwazini next week, but I haven't received any emails about it. I'm sure I'll get some info during the course of the week.
And oh yes, it's a short week, so luckily it'll be over very soon!
Ok, time to look busy...
Or at least look a little awake...
We're supposed to be going to Olwazini next week, but I haven't received any emails about it. I'm sure I'll get some info during the course of the week.
And oh yes, it's a short week, so luckily it'll be over very soon!
Ok, time to look busy...
Or at least look a little awake...
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