Back at Work

I am back at work today. I'm not feeling 100% but I am definately feeling better than what I did yesterday.

I got a reply from him regarding the reminder I sent him on Monday about my "Big Move" on Saturday. He suggested that I go over there on Thursday to go throught the kitchen stuff with him. I guess it's a good idea. At least it will make my mission there on Saturday a lot shorter. I don't want to have to be there for any longer than is absolutely necessary. It will also give me a chance to try ensure that the flat is in some kind of presentable state for Saturday. Plus I can also ensure that I get everything that belongs to me. I am already psyching myself for tomorrow. It is not a social visit and I will not be taking any beers or other beverages with me. Nor will I be inclined to take part in any firendly chit-chat. I am going there with a single purpose and that is all. If, by some miracle, he wants to tell me how he feels about all of this, I let him speak his mind. However, there is very little that will change my mind. Any promises he makes will be taken with a kilo of salt. He has made many promises in the past and he has acted on none of them.

This whole thing has had me in a bad state. I'm feeling physically sick at the thought of going through with this. This is not what I had originally wanted and if he had only given me some hope three months ago, I would not be in this situation today. But here I am. And have to deal with it now. And it's fine. I can handle it. Fuck, I can handle anything.

I am reading Eat, Pray, Love. There are certain things that she says in the book that I can totally relate to. Freaky.