Keeping myself busy

I've been trying to keep myself busy today because I have way too much on my mind.

I haven't heard from him all week, not that I necessarily want to talk to him and pretend that everything is ok, but I had emailed him on Monday regarding me going over to the flat (I almost said "our") to pack my things. He never replied to that mail and so I sent him a reminder just now. No reply, of course.

Just thinking about what I am going to do tomorrow makes my heart feel heavy. I had believed that we were going to work things out. I had believed that we would be ok. I was wrong. I don't like being wrong. I didn't take all my things out of the flat because I believed that I would be back there soon. But I get nothing from him. Nothing. So I am left with no choice but to move on with my life. I need to keep telling myself this because I feel that it will be too easy for me to just go back to hoping that we will be ok in the future. I do miss him, but my anger is still stronger than my hurt. If he really wanted to be with me, he would have done something. I wasn't looking for a grand, romantic gesture, but just some indication on his part that he wanted me back as much as I wanted him. It hasn't happened. It's not easy to realise that the one person I've wanted and missed so much is the one person I can't have. I guess it's time to put my emotions to one side and be completely cold and rational about this. My emotions make me too tired.

This week has dragged for me. I just want to relax. My neck and shoulders have been sore for days now. Nothing has helped. I would pay good money to have a massage and to find away to get rid of all the tension in my life.

I have been playing all the Tool albums I have on my computer to keep my working pace up. It's worked quite well.

Just 2 more hours of this and then I go home.

I'm tired.