I Knew It...

People find pleasure in admitting that they know someone else so well that they can predict what they will say and do in any situation. I, on the other hand, have tried to use it as a defence mechanism. Yet, despite that, I still find myself getting upset when people act exactly as I predicted they would.

I had a strong feeling that he would cancel tonight's plans.

I was right.

I sent him an sms to confirm the plan for tonight and to ask what time I should go over there. He replied saying it was still on and to go over at 8:30. I replied saying it was a bit late, how about 7:00 or 7:30. He said he would meet me halfway and I should go over there at 8:00. I replied to say that it was cool and that I would see him then. Three minutes later he sends me an sms saying that we should rather leave it until next week as it was too complicated. My reply was something to the effect that I had made plans and had arranged transport and help for this coming Saturday and that I was going over there on Saturday as planned to do what I needed to do. Obviously, I have yet to receive a reply to that.

I have just sent him an email saying that I don't know what's going with him and that I don't know why he's trying to postpone the inevitable. I again stated that I would be going over there on Saturday to get the rest of my belongings out of there for once and for all.

This has gone on for long enough. I have given him the benefit of the doubt over and over again and I am now tired. I am tired of waiting for him. I am tired of putting my life on hold for him. He has told me that our relationship will never be the same again. I have realised that on my own too. So why drag it out? Why make the pain go on for even a day longer than what it has to? This is not something I WANT to do. This is something I HAVE to do. It is essential to me and my healing. I have been patient. I have given him chances. But I can't do it any more. Even Patience has an expiration date and mine has been reached.

Now all I will wait for is his reply. If he decides to reply. It will not be unexpected if he decides to hide from this and to distract himself and pretend that none of this has happened.

I'm sorry for being a realist. I'm sorry for needing to move on. I'm sorry for putting myself first in this matter. IT's what I need to do to ensure that I am the best version of me that I can possibly be. I no longer want to be defined as an extension of him. I am my own person. I lost my way when I was with him, but I am longer with him so I need to find myself again. And I have been doing that just fine, all on my own.

The one thing that I'm really pissed off about is the fact that I actually had a really good day today. Unproductive, but good. It was such a good day, in fact, that I didn't even feel too stressed about going over there tonight. And then he went and shat all over that good feeling. It's the very last time I will allow him to fuck up a good day for me. The very fucking last time.

I swear to the gods, I will break his fucking door down on Saturday if he does not let me in to get my things. I will fucking call the cops if I have to. I know many, many lawyers who will make his fucking life HELL on earth if he does not let me get my things and move on with my life!!!! It's not the route that I want to take, but I will do it if I am pushed. They always say that an animal that is backed into a corner will act out of character.... The same goes for me. I will do things that not even I had thought possible if MY wellbeing is compromised.

And that is all I am going to say about that.

Thank you.